A Modge Podge of Thoughts

Here is what I love about the blogging world: it makes you realize the very different and very same people who exist in this world. I can tell you right now, there are at least 3 women who I have found during my blog exploring that I wish were in my 'real life' circle rather than my blogging circle. They have changed me. And yet they don't even know I exist.

If I can be honest, and hell this is my blog so I should be able to, I cried very raw tears tonight. It started here. I know I have referred to her blog more than once in the past, but she brings it out of me. She has brought me to tears more times than any other person I have ever read. In a good way though. Her heart is so real and compassionate. Her smile is captivating. It makes me you say, at least me say, I wanna be around her, I wanna know her, and be changed by her friendship.

I was then introduced to this girl. Man, can I relate. And not in the addict kind of way, but in the "I understand your brokenness that seems forever haunting and the imperfect person who needs Jesus to even feel worthy of your story" kind of way. She brought the tears too. Much like myself, life must be felt. It is intense and passionate. Sometimes it feels like too much for others, but much like her, those things have made me able to experience life in both ways. Both extremes. Intense happiness and intense sadness.

When I was in college I wanted nothing more than for my middle sister to join me in this new found land that I loved so much. I wanted her to come to Flagstaff and to experience life with me. However, when she got there it was different. My selfish actions made her experience less than glamorous. When I should have been a big sister who embraced her, I was a big sister who pushed her out of the nest. I made it clear that she needed a life of her own and well, she didn't take long before she followed the cues. Not my proudest moment.

I have been in this nostalgic state more recently. I find myself frequently reflecting on the past. There are things I have done well and things I have done not so well. Refer to the above paragraph. I have learned that intentions mean nothing. Good intentions or bad intentions, it is your actions that matter. It is your actions that leave a watermark. Intending to do good and acting to do good are very, very different roads. I had every intention of making that phone call or forgiving that person or completing that letter. I guess my intention wasn't good enough and unfortunately all that was left was that awful stain.

Move beyond your intentions. Act on this very short life.

"Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions."-1 John 3:18

Finding the Beauty in You

I was browsing this girls blog when I realized there is beauty in each person. Wow. It took me 25 years to realize that each person has a beauty about them. Honestly though. I was viewing the pictures of her home and there were thoughts going through my head like this:

Those pictures are hers and that is beautiful.
Those kids are hers and they are beautiful.
That furniture started with her parents and that is beautiful.

The entire scenery was just her and her family. As I sit in my living room and look around. I feel happy with the things that make this place mine. It is the crosses on the wall. It is the color yellow and the roosters. It is the two dogs that lounge on the floor. It is the husband who I adore. It is the wine I hold in my hand. It is the unique things that make this place mine. It is the beauty in me.

And you.

Find it.

Flaunt it.

Have a great week friends! Be Blessed!

When a Club Becomes More

When we first moved to Lubbock 3 months ago I was optimistic. I thought we would move in, immediately find a church home, make some friends, love our jobs, and life would be like every picture perfect movie that concludes with happy endings. When the first month went by and things weren't exactly lining up the way I had pictured, I decided to take action. Sasha meet the Run Club.

I signed up for the run club for two reasons. I really needed to get my runs done in the morning, but don't like/Zeb wouldn't allow me to run in the morning solo. Love him for caring about my safety. I also signed up in hopes of creating more of a social base. Success! On both ends of the spectrum.

This run club started as something I wasn't sure about. I was positive I would be the slowest runner and 5 am mornings sounded painful. I am a morning person, but it is getting me to go to bed at night that makes it difficult. However, it has become the thing I look forward to most in my week.

Picture this, a group of people in their mid 20's (I think I am the youngest) all the way up to about their mid 50's meeting you every Monday and Wednesday at 5 AM and Saturdays at 7:30 AM. They are encouraging, cheering you on as they pass you (which happens to me a lot!), setting and achieving goals with you, and pushing themselves to new levels. They talk and laugh with you during stretching and check in to make sure you will be there the next day. When you miss a day they ask where you were. A running coach that is a new Mom, ran until she was 8 months pregnant, and was an Olympian. She asks how your feeling after your runs and provides the best guidance she can when your body is acting up. She provides weekly emails with workouts to keep your running body in the best health. Can you picture this?

I look forward to this every single week. It is more than people to run with so I am not afraid in the morning and more than a new social base. It is a support network with people who have similar goals. It is feeling like you are part of something bigger. It is realizing that your running fears are theirs too. It is a smile before the sun comes up and a pat on your sweaty back at the end of a long run. It is my run club.

When I started training in January for a half marathon, I always wondered if I would get to a place where it didn't feel like so much work. Now, I am just under 3 months out from my race in Phoenix and if I don't do the Panhandle 1/2 marathon here in Lubbock next month then it will be my first race and it no longer feels like work. It feels like my escape. I am so looking forward to hitting that goal and pushing through to others. And to think, this girl used to hate running. 

A Peaceful Harvest

Today is a great day for a lot of reasons, but one reason in particular. Hard work is evident.

This morning I put on my clothes and saw the evidence of my hard work over the last two months. I wasn't sure it would fit, but I put on a shirt that I could not wear two months ago. I had bought it a while ago and wore it one time. When I washed it and tried to wear it again, I realized it had shrunk. It was noticeably uncomfortable. Today it fit perfectly. 10 pounds lost, multiple miles logged, and countless hours of insanity had paid off. This was a happy girl.

The other evidence of hard work will lie with my husband. Today we will close on our new house and turn over a check that will to date be the largest I have ever paid in a lump sum. I have my husband to thank for that. Being honest, when we first made the offer on this house I was nervous. I didn't know how it would work, but Zeb took care of it. 35 days straight without a day off and not a complaint to boot, we will have the money for closing and then some. This is a happy girl.

Hebrews 12:11 says, "no discipline is enjoyable while it is happening-it's painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

This could not be more true. I had great days, but more often than not I didn't want to do my workout. I wanted to eat something other than fruits and veggies. I wanted something other than water to drink. I know there were days when climbing out of bed at 3:45 am for the 15th day in a row was hard for Zeb. I know he wanted a Saturday to relax. I know we both wanted to enjoy a night on the town or at least dinner. Being disciplined was painful! However, today we are experiencing the peaceful harvest.

All of that discipline was more than worth the feeling I had today when I got dressed and I know it will be even more worth it when I write that check later today and am handed keys for our house. A peaceful harvest it is.

Someone once said discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. Set your goals today and then find the bridge to accomplishment. A year from now you will wish you started today. There is no time to wait. And when your only half way across and the end of that bridge seems so far, just remember discipline will get you there. It makes all the difference. The accomplishment will be a sweet, peaceful harvest.

When Life Makes You Different...In A Good Way

Sometimes when life changes the best thing you can do is change with it. It is a lesson I have learned over the last year. I say this cautiously, as I don't want to elude to the fact that you become a completely different person. Instead you kinda morph with your reality.

I bring this up because I was thinking about the person I used to be and the person I am today. At my core I am still a fun, loving country girl who experiences emotions on every level very intensely, but I am different. When I got to thinking about the person I am today and who I was three years ago there is much I wish I could have told myself back then.

I would have told myself that there are men in this world that will break your heart, but there is one that will put it together and he is only right around the corner. And if I could have told myself that then maybe I would not have damaged my professional image by allowing my personal life to completely influence my interactions with others. And if I could not have damaged by professional image in that time in my life then I might not feel nearly as embarrassed when I talk to people from that time in my life. Because they might actually believe in me and my professional ability.

I would have told myself to be kinder to people. Kindness really does go a lot further than flying solo and holding your pride high. I would have told myself to slow down and engage in more conversations with others. I would have told myself that I can't possibly have my entire life figured out and to take it one day at a time. I would have told myself to create more friendships and to not divulge every single thought that ever ran through my head. I would have told myself to be less critical of those around you, especially the friends you didn't want to lose. I would have laughed more and realized those people were not out to get me.

Unfortunately, I will not ever be able to take back the things I did then. I sometimes want to call certain people and ask them for forgiveness. I want to ask them to believe in me again or for once if they never did. And I have actually had those conversations with others. They aren't easy and they require extreme vulnerability, but I guess it is the price you pay if you want people to know that you are different now. When you want people to know that you have grown up a little, that you have realized that it isn't your intentions that people remember it is the way you made them feel, and you want them to leave your presence feeling better and not worse.

I am sure there will be things 3 years from now that I will still look back on and wish I had done differently today. I hope to continue learning and growing the way I have over the last few years because while there are people in my past that I know I will never convince to think greatly of me again, I am so grateful for the ways I have become different. I am grateful for the people in my life that have challenged me to think differently and be better. I feel blessed to have had multiple do-overs available to me.

Today, I would challenge you to tell someone that you believe in them in case they don't know it...because everyone wants to know that somebody believes in them.