Transparency at it's Best

Life is simple. WE make it complicated. But without you I wouldn't be anything like I am now.-Unknown

I read that this morning and instantly thought of Zeb. Even with every effort that we make to keep things simple in our relationship, it tends to lean more on the complicated side. As two sinful and complicated individuals we are very good at turning a simple life into something much more complex. These complex situations are usually the hardest to get through and almost always self inflicted. To make matters worse, self inflicted wounds are probably the hardest to patch up. They usually involve some yelling, hurtful words, and sometimes tears on my end. They always end in an apology.

"But without you I wouldn't be anything like I am now".

Apologies have never come easy for me. It is just not something I enjoy doing or even receiving. These come much easier for Zeb. He has taught me to appreciate his apologetic efforts and return an apology every now and then. I will admit I am still working on this effort, but I would say we have taught each other a lot in this department.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you"-Matthew 6:14

The busyness of life makes things very complicated. Zeb is a full time student. He is taking 15 hours, working 2 jobs, earning his private pilot's license, taking care of both of our dogs, involved in a lifegroup and volunteering at church. I work full time, co-direct and coach a youth cheer program, attend a lifegroup, and volunteer at church. These commitments create complicated schedules that make dating hard.

"But without you I would not be anything like I am now"

When the busyness of life gets in the way of our relationship it forces us to make hard decisions. There are obvious things in our life that we can't cut out, but there are other parts that are easier to manage. For instance, as a dating couple we have to make conscious efforts to make time for one another. Since we are not married and therefore don't live together there are times that have to be molded for just us. This was hard for me at first since I tend to be fairly independent and surround myself with lots of friends. We have had to learn each other's love languages in order to manage this more effectively. Through the challenges and this learning process though we have come to know each other much better than I have ever previously known a dating partner. It is kinda fun too!

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil"-Ephesians 5:15-16

Zeb and I have also committed our lives to Christ. Believe it or not this brings complications as well. In our effort be obedient to the Lord we are, again, forced to make hard decisions. Our relationship looks different than most others and even different than what we were used to prior to dating one another. We have placed boundaries in all parts of our relationship that are set to give glory to God. The enemy is always trying to find a way to tempt us.

"But without you I would not be anything like I am now"

This complicated factor has really required some creativity. Zeb is an excellent spiritual leader in our relationship. Rather than getting upset about the boundaries or giving into temptation, we have found other things to occupy us. We pray. Sometimes together and sometimes alone. We read. This includes the Bible and other books we can discuss. We get involved. We are leading a youth group together at church starting this Sunday. We visit. Friends are important to us and we love an opportunity to enjoy fellowship. We have really stretched ourselves in this area of our lives. Through the stretching though, we have been molded into better individuals both alone and together.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you"-Matthew 6:33

Now, I wrote this blog today for three reasons. 1. To show some appreciation and love to a man who was put in my life by my Savior at his perfect timing. Neither of us could have predicted this, but God had a plan. 2. To show our need as a couple for a Savior through allowing you to see a small glimpse of our relationship. We are human. 3. To encourage you to allow people to see the imperfect human in you. I believe this is when beauty is at its best.

Even with every effort to live simply, it is not easy in such a complicated and sinful world. To be transparent about it is even harder, but I truly believe that transparency in relationships is needed. I would like to believe that more transparency would equal less turmoil among couples, but I don't know that I could ever prove this because people are too afraid of the judgments people will make. It's one of the reasons the initial statement that started this whole blog got me thinking. When I read it, I saw vulnerability. I saw imperfection. I saw transparency at it's best.

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ"-Galatians 6:2

I am glad to be blessed with Zeb. Without him I would not be anything like I am today.