My Little Box

Today I read something that I loved. In a whole lot more words, I read that it is OK to not just have one style, or music, or food, or color that defines you. In a whole lot more words, I read that you don't have to fit in one little box that perfectly illustrates who you are. You see I believe that throughout my life my mold has changed quite a bit. My mold has never been perfectly solid and that is how I like it.

In fact, right after I graduated high school I went through a phase where I loved rap and R&B and I loved to visit dance clubs and dance by myself. I found absolutely no joy in rubbing my body on others in those clubs, I loved to just get lost in the music and dance like crazy. Anyone that knows me now would know that I am far from the rap-lovin, dance clubbin girl I was then.

I frequently get laughed at or joked with (in loving ways) that I am confusing or always changing my mind. When in reality there are just many different layers to this identity of mine. Most would know that country is my primary music of choice, but what they may not know is I LOVE me some indie. I'm known for the color pink, but greens and browns have a soft spot in my heart. I have an eye for rustic and vintage stuff, but there is room for modern stuff, but at the end of the day it is all just stuff and not really that cool. Romantic comedies and dramas usually catch my eye first, but I love a good action movie from time to time and regardless of how scared I may get I love crime solver shows.

These are all minor though. In the grand scheme of things I will be OK if I choose Indie over Country or bounce between color schemes. I don't tend to focus on those contradictions. It is the more life altering stuff. For instance, most people in my situation, my situation being holding a Bachelors and Masters degree at the age of 24, would prove to have a sense of direction and be driven towards the one thing they know they want. Although that is not my case because if you were to look a little closer you would see that my two degrees have nothing in common and therefore show nothing but confusion and money well spent. So now I sit in this position in my life where I still want to know what it is I want to do with this life of mine.

There are many things that catch my interest. I would love to open my own business, which could be a pet store, a book store, or a Pilate's studio...that would be fun. I would love to plan events; whether it is weddings or conferences or meetings, just the idea of creating someone else's event and serving them gets me excited. I would love to work in ministry; particularly with volunteers. I would love to work in the non-profit sector; specifically in an organization that serves the needs of women and most likely with the volunteers of that organization. And with all of that confusion comes one area of stability. Service. That is it. If you look at all of that you will see one common theme and that is service. So if you really need me to be put in a perfect little box with some sort of identity, let it be that one.

I was thinking the other day and I got to thinking about what it is I love doing the most in my life right now. Without a second of hesitation it was serving. My volunteer work is the stuff I look forward to the most in my week. I have told very few in my life this, but if there were careers in waitressing, I would sign up. My short time as a waitress was one of my favorite positions ever and the long time that I worked at Sonic, my favorite position was carhopping.

So my ounce of permanence is serving. Where does that put me and what does that look like long term? I have no idea. I am in a phase of searching that out. It may look messy from the outside, but on the inside I feel a stirring. I know I am in the right direction.