"...humbly plant God's word deep in your heart"
A little grouch found it's way in my heart over the last 24 hours. After all the great things that have happened in the last 2 days a mean and evil spirit was still able to find its way inside. I am not sure how or what let this one in, but I was well aware of it this morning as I dressed for the day. So much so that I moped around the house determined not to make any progress in getting ready until it was absolutely necessary. This resulted in a pony-tailed hair and yesterday's makeup. Gross.
"...instead of dwelling on a temptation in our thoughts and allowing it to morph into sin"
I made my way into town for my weekly breakfast date with Mrs. Kali Bell. I love those dates. This is when we get to catch up on our week in person rather than through technology and it is well worth the early mornings and few dollars spent. For in that short hour we spend together; honesty, laughter, and good conversation all occur. We exchange details from our weeks, thoughts in our head, and even selfish frustrations.
"...quietly focus our hearts on truth"
That is when the change is made. When I spend an hour with a sister in Christ that allows me to be open and honest without any judgement to show, that is when the change is made. When I can talk about things that only another girl would understand, that is when the change is made. When we can agree together that we are human and our need for Jesus is so great, that is when the change is made. That grouch is pushed away when I join in fellowship with a beautiful person that is willing to accept, discuss, and laugh at our own faults and insecurities.
I am thankful for that weekly breakfast date. I would recommend it to anyone. Make time to hang with someone you trust and can be completely honest with on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. It is time well invested and certain to change your heart for the better.
p.s. it is hump day and almost my favorite holiday of the year! Celebrate!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Caution: Avoid This Person
"Thought is the seed of action"
This post has prompted some good thought that might not have otherwise come up.
At 29 there is a person I would not want to be. I am sure there is. I have never thought of my person past the age I am now. Maybe in certain classes or interviews when people ask where you might see yourself in 5, 10, or 15 years. One on one though, Sasha to Sasha, I have never truly put much thought into this. I have never been much of a visionary and most of the time I am just thankful for another day in this life, so 5 years from now is not a person I think about much. Today, though, I was captured by this question. We are always asked who we might wish to be in the future, but rarely does the question get posed of who we would not want to be. Sasha, who would you NOT want to be 5 years from now?
There are certain phrases that are said to me from time to time that stick like gum to the bottom of a shoe. Things like; "You don't dress yourself very well" or "Your smile is contagious", they stick to my brain. I never know what phrase it will be until months have passed and there is that one comment that one person said that they probably don't even remember saying, but it is stuck to me and not releasing anytime soon. My most recent sticky phrase went something like this, "you are someone who will always need inspiration so be sure to seek it out." At the time I thought, ya, you're right, and I am OK with that. What's wrong with looking for inspiration in life? After a while, I thought more, and got a little upset about it, but today I feel at peace with it. My first ingredient to avoiding the person I don't want to be in 5 years would be never lacking inspiration.
In February, I went to the Dave Ramsey conference in OKC as a volunteer. Fortunately, as a volunteer we were able to attend the entire program as well. One of the things that I took away from that day that was not money related was a piece of good leadership advice. Dave mentioned that one of the things he noticed about all good leaders that he looked to for advice was their desire to continue to learn. He said one of the questions he would always ask a person in a leadership role was what they were most recently reading. If they said nothing than he took that as a sign of bad leadership. Therefore, this serves as my second ingredient to my recipe, continue to read and learn.
Yesterday, I was sitting in church as I normally do on Sunday mornings. Craig was back after a 3 week vacation and boy did he have a message to preach. He talked about remaining in Christ. He drilled into us how important it is to remain in Christ in order to live a life that honors God. Have a bad marriage? Remain in Christ. Lost your job? Remain in Christ. Financial struggles? Remain in Christ. You get the idea. How do you remain in Christ? Turn from worldly desires to the desires of Christ. Read the Bible. Pray. Spend time with people who love Jesus. Serve. Stay in the Church. Continue to be amazed by your Creator and his Creation. These are all pieces of my third ingredient to my recipe for avoiding a person I don't want to be in 5 years.
"Thought is a seed for action"
I have always been asked who I want to be in the future, but never who I don't want to be. Now, in a small way, I have some sort of idea of who that person is that I don't want to be and where I should invest my time. I don't want to be a person that lacks inspiration and the desire to live life fully in God's intentions. I do not want to be a person that ceases to learn. I don't want to quit reading, especially since it is something I love so much, but also for the mere fact that reading stimulates thought, conversation, and fellowship. Above all else, I do not want to be a person that remains so distracted by this world that I do not remain in Christ.
And since thought is a seed for action I have begun the process of what it might take to avoid becoming that person in the future. I will continue to seek inspiration anywhere I may find it. For me, most of the time this comes through the form of reading blogs or conversing with the wonderful women that are placed in my life, but I will take it wherever it comes from. I may need inspiration more than others, but I refuse to see this as anything except my unique need to thrive as the person I was created to be. I will continue to read, even if it is at a slow pace. Reading challenges my thought and most always teaches me more than I knew prior to the start of the book. I will strive daily to remain in Christ in order to bear the fruits of God. For when I am remaining in Christ I can easily love others, be joyful, have peace in my heart, demonstrate patience, overflow with kindness, show goodness to the world, remain faithful, and resist self-indulgent behaviors. And, well, that is a person I desire to be more than anything else.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
This post has prompted some good thought that might not have otherwise come up.
At 29 there is a person I would not want to be. I am sure there is. I have never thought of my person past the age I am now. Maybe in certain classes or interviews when people ask where you might see yourself in 5, 10, or 15 years. One on one though, Sasha to Sasha, I have never truly put much thought into this. I have never been much of a visionary and most of the time I am just thankful for another day in this life, so 5 years from now is not a person I think about much. Today, though, I was captured by this question. We are always asked who we might wish to be in the future, but rarely does the question get posed of who we would not want to be. Sasha, who would you NOT want to be 5 years from now?
There are certain phrases that are said to me from time to time that stick like gum to the bottom of a shoe. Things like; "You don't dress yourself very well" or "Your smile is contagious", they stick to my brain. I never know what phrase it will be until months have passed and there is that one comment that one person said that they probably don't even remember saying, but it is stuck to me and not releasing anytime soon. My most recent sticky phrase went something like this, "you are someone who will always need inspiration so be sure to seek it out." At the time I thought, ya, you're right, and I am OK with that. What's wrong with looking for inspiration in life? After a while, I thought more, and got a little upset about it, but today I feel at peace with it. My first ingredient to avoiding the person I don't want to be in 5 years would be never lacking inspiration.
In February, I went to the Dave Ramsey conference in OKC as a volunteer. Fortunately, as a volunteer we were able to attend the entire program as well. One of the things that I took away from that day that was not money related was a piece of good leadership advice. Dave mentioned that one of the things he noticed about all good leaders that he looked to for advice was their desire to continue to learn. He said one of the questions he would always ask a person in a leadership role was what they were most recently reading. If they said nothing than he took that as a sign of bad leadership. Therefore, this serves as my second ingredient to my recipe, continue to read and learn.
Yesterday, I was sitting in church as I normally do on Sunday mornings. Craig was back after a 3 week vacation and boy did he have a message to preach. He talked about remaining in Christ. He drilled into us how important it is to remain in Christ in order to live a life that honors God. Have a bad marriage? Remain in Christ. Lost your job? Remain in Christ. Financial struggles? Remain in Christ. You get the idea. How do you remain in Christ? Turn from worldly desires to the desires of Christ. Read the Bible. Pray. Spend time with people who love Jesus. Serve. Stay in the Church. Continue to be amazed by your Creator and his Creation. These are all pieces of my third ingredient to my recipe for avoiding a person I don't want to be in 5 years.
"Thought is a seed for action"
I have always been asked who I want to be in the future, but never who I don't want to be. Now, in a small way, I have some sort of idea of who that person is that I don't want to be and where I should invest my time. I don't want to be a person that lacks inspiration and the desire to live life fully in God's intentions. I do not want to be a person that ceases to learn. I don't want to quit reading, especially since it is something I love so much, but also for the mere fact that reading stimulates thought, conversation, and fellowship. Above all else, I do not want to be a person that remains so distracted by this world that I do not remain in Christ.
And since thought is a seed for action I have begun the process of what it might take to avoid becoming that person in the future. I will continue to seek inspiration anywhere I may find it. For me, most of the time this comes through the form of reading blogs or conversing with the wonderful women that are placed in my life, but I will take it wherever it comes from. I may need inspiration more than others, but I refuse to see this as anything except my unique need to thrive as the person I was created to be. I will continue to read, even if it is at a slow pace. Reading challenges my thought and most always teaches me more than I knew prior to the start of the book. I will strive daily to remain in Christ in order to bear the fruits of God. For when I am remaining in Christ I can easily love others, be joyful, have peace in my heart, demonstrate patience, overflow with kindness, show goodness to the world, remain faithful, and resist self-indulgent behaviors. And, well, that is a person I desire to be more than anything else.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Simply Put, Perfectly Placed
I am up before the sun on most mornings these days. The normal routine includes rolling out of bed and stumbling to my shower. Directly following the shower I would normally go to let the dogs out and while they are doing their business I would return to the bathroom to begin the getting ready process. This morning was different. I was captivated by the beauty outside, where the night is saying its goodbye and the sun is slowly making its entrance. The temperature is close to perfect outside and it is peaceful. I was also partially cautioned by the dirt that was now mud after last night's storms and wanted to keep a close eye on the dogs. It was in that moment, as I was watching the time switch from night to day, that I saw it in the near distance. Within about 50 yards of my front door I saw its pretty face and sleek body. It stood on alert noticing the dogs running about. I watched it watch Ryder and Shadow for about 2 minutes, in hopes they would notice it, but as expected they never did. And at the moment that it was certain they weren't paying attention, even though they never were, Bambi sneaked away into the trees.
I was half sad to watch her go and half happy she went unnoticed, for fear Ryder would have been on a wild chase otherwise, which could have made my morning go terribly wrong quickly. Instead I got to watch the day change and wildlife live naturally. It brought a smile to my face and left me with an appreciation of the country and the small things in life. Today I needed that slow pace and reminder from God. Everyday is a precious gift that should not be taken for granted. Choose to indulge in every moment, even if it is as simple as watching the sun rise and a deer in the field.
"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it"-Psalm 118:24
I was half sad to watch her go and half happy she went unnoticed, for fear Ryder would have been on a wild chase otherwise, which could have made my morning go terribly wrong quickly. Instead I got to watch the day change and wildlife live naturally. It brought a smile to my face and left me with an appreciation of the country and the small things in life. Today I needed that slow pace and reminder from God. Everyday is a precious gift that should not be taken for granted. Choose to indulge in every moment, even if it is as simple as watching the sun rise and a deer in the field.
"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it"-Psalm 118:24
Monday, June 20, 2011
A Love Letter
Dear Zeb,
Today is 1 month since we said "I Do". In just the few hours following our ceremony, I learned what kind of person you are amongst many and the way you handle being under pressure. I loved that night and watching you interact with everyone. In the 10 days following our wedding we spent time with only each other on our honeymoon. In that time I learned from you that there is a time and place for angry words when things go wrong and most of the time that is not at the poor worker at the counter. I also learned that when you do things the way God intended them to be, he blesses that beyond any imaginable scope. I learned that you love squishy seafood and the opportunities to show me new things. I also learned that heat and hunger are two things I should avoid if I want to enjoy my time with you. Since returning from Florida and beginning our life as two extremely different and complicated people living under one roof I have also learned much. I have learned that you actually do enjoy having a clean house, you just don't enjoy putting in the effort. I have learned that you will start loads of laundry and unclog drains for me. I have learned that you will be my knight and shining armor when I need a spider or snake killed. I have learned that you like to talk to Ryder as if he is a mute human that supports everything you do. I have been thankful for your comfort at night when scary storms are overhead. You have taught me how to cook off instinct rather than recipes, although you are much better at this than me. You have taught me that I can relax in the evening rather than clean, clean, clean. You have laughed at me for my obsessive mail checking, but learned to love me for it. You have learned that I am terrible at making any trip to the store a short one, I guess you can thank my mom for that. I have learned that your goofiness is my absolute favorite, like when you honk the horn of the car to the tune of me singing a Psalm in the bible on our way to church. I have learned my way isn't the best way. We have forgiven each other more times than I can count, but also laughed a lot too.
We have done all of this in one short month. In one short month I have learned so much about you and from you. I now know what people mean when they say you fall more in love with your spouse as time goes on because I can honestly say I love you more today than I did a month ago. I know the future brings both good and bad times, but I also know that we will get through them all. I admire your faith and through your actions you remind me everyday that we could not do any of this without our Savior, Jesus, and it is because of him that you lead me the way you do. I feel so lucky to have you in my life and to call you my husband.
Always,
Sash
Today is 1 month since we said "I Do". In just the few hours following our ceremony, I learned what kind of person you are amongst many and the way you handle being under pressure. I loved that night and watching you interact with everyone. In the 10 days following our wedding we spent time with only each other on our honeymoon. In that time I learned from you that there is a time and place for angry words when things go wrong and most of the time that is not at the poor worker at the counter. I also learned that when you do things the way God intended them to be, he blesses that beyond any imaginable scope. I learned that you love squishy seafood and the opportunities to show me new things. I also learned that heat and hunger are two things I should avoid if I want to enjoy my time with you. Since returning from Florida and beginning our life as two extremely different and complicated people living under one roof I have also learned much. I have learned that you actually do enjoy having a clean house, you just don't enjoy putting in the effort. I have learned that you will start loads of laundry and unclog drains for me. I have learned that you will be my knight and shining armor when I need a spider or snake killed. I have learned that you like to talk to Ryder as if he is a mute human that supports everything you do. I have been thankful for your comfort at night when scary storms are overhead. You have taught me how to cook off instinct rather than recipes, although you are much better at this than me. You have taught me that I can relax in the evening rather than clean, clean, clean. You have laughed at me for my obsessive mail checking, but learned to love me for it. You have learned that I am terrible at making any trip to the store a short one, I guess you can thank my mom for that. I have learned that your goofiness is my absolute favorite, like when you honk the horn of the car to the tune of me singing a Psalm in the bible on our way to church. I have learned my way isn't the best way. We have forgiven each other more times than I can count, but also laughed a lot too.
We have done all of this in one short month. In one short month I have learned so much about you and from you. I now know what people mean when they say you fall more in love with your spouse as time goes on because I can honestly say I love you more today than I did a month ago. I know the future brings both good and bad times, but I also know that we will get through them all. I admire your faith and through your actions you remind me everyday that we could not do any of this without our Savior, Jesus, and it is because of him that you lead me the way you do. I feel so lucky to have you in my life and to call you my husband.
Always,
Sash
Friday, June 17, 2011
Deal Me a Hand of Dreams
I follow this girl's blog and read it regularly. If you like deep thinkers, challenging thought, and a little bit of messy you would love her as well. She led me to this writing challenge which is what has prompted me to write this post.
Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them?
Dreams are a funny thing to think about to me. I have never established if the definition of a dream is something that you could do given certain circumstances or something you could do under any circumstance. I can only remember having one dream as a kid, but in reality if I considered this a dream than it would definitely define dreams as something you could do with certain circumstances. You hear people say all the time; "live your dreams", "follow your heart". And I think I want to do both of those things, but its not straight and narrow. It's complicated. I have lots of dreams, I think, and sometimes following my heart leads to destruction so I guess for me those phrases are hard. God did not create me to be black and white. At least I don't feel like he did. We have had this conversation before, the one about my inability to select one dream and run for it. Substitute dream for job, passion, decision, etc. So selecting my top three dreams is difficult, not to mention unrealistic. My dreams would mean re-doing some life decisions or asking God to create a miracle and granting me with a new voice. While I think he could, I'm not sure it is very likely. I suppose some singing lessons could help. You get the idea though. Dreams are weird.
For the sake of this writing prompt and if I had to select 3 dreams of my very own I think they would look like this.
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This is the best picture I could find to depict another dream of mine and that is to help women that have fallen victim to domestic violence. I can't tell you why God put a burden on my heart for women in distress, but he just has. I got my Bachelor's in Criminal Justice for the very reason of wanting to help women in these situations. There is still hope in living this dream out, but I will soon get to what holds me back.
So those are the top 3 I suppose. They are dreams that for me are either unrealistic or require a great deal to attain. Obviously ever singing professionally or for that matter in any other public space other than my own bubble is just silly. I was not given a voice that is capable of this kind of work. I have faced this reality and moved forward. Barrel racing now that is something I think I could do. The barrier for it is simply time, money, and resources. Since I did not grow up around horses, nor do I have horses, it would take a good amount of training and cost to ever get to actually participate in a rodeo. Not all hope is lost, but it is far from in reach. Finally, working with domestic violence victims is just a lack of experience and confidence. It is a sensitive topic, one that most don't even like to address. Our society is so obsessed with the positive and good that any talk or thought of something negative or painful goes under the radar for the most part. The reality is there are women that need help and so few are willing to offer it. I on the other hand crave the chance to help in this way, but unfortunately am always defeated by my lack of confidence in my ability. It is something I struggle with constantly and once I feel like I can't, I won't. The light in that dark tunnel though is that, I am the only one holding myself back. I specifically remember when a great friend/supervisor of mine told me that if I ever built my confidence in myself I would be hard to stop. I am sure with proper training, experience, and confidence I could easily do this and I would love it.
Dreams are a funny thing. Some are within reach and others are not. Some seem a little crazy and most of them are scary. Nonetheless, they are my dreams and only stand within my barriers.
What are yours?
Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them?
Dreams are a funny thing to think about to me. I have never established if the definition of a dream is something that you could do given certain circumstances or something you could do under any circumstance. I can only remember having one dream as a kid, but in reality if I considered this a dream than it would definitely define dreams as something you could do with certain circumstances. You hear people say all the time; "live your dreams", "follow your heart". And I think I want to do both of those things, but its not straight and narrow. It's complicated. I have lots of dreams, I think, and sometimes following my heart leads to destruction so I guess for me those phrases are hard. God did not create me to be black and white. At least I don't feel like he did. We have had this conversation before, the one about my inability to select one dream and run for it. Substitute dream for job, passion, decision, etc. So selecting my top three dreams is difficult, not to mention unrealistic. My dreams would mean re-doing some life decisions or asking God to create a miracle and granting me with a new voice. While I think he could, I'm not sure it is very likely. I suppose some singing lessons could help. You get the idea though. Dreams are weird.
For the sake of this writing prompt and if I had to select 3 dreams of my very own I think they would look like this.
No I don't actually want to be Miranda Lambert although I know some of you were thinking that, but this one has been my childhood dream. I have been singing for as long as I can remember and I struggle with envy for people that can. I would give the world to have a voice people actually liked and paid to hear.
This one is silly, but seriously I would love to do this. I remember when I had just gotten out of high school and there was that TV show Made, where they picked people to actually help them make their dreams come true. I wanted so bad to apply and then I let my dumb pride get in the way. I still really want to do this and rodeoing is a dream of Zeb's as well so you never know...maybe before we get too old we can make this happen!
So those are the top 3 I suppose. They are dreams that for me are either unrealistic or require a great deal to attain. Obviously ever singing professionally or for that matter in any other public space other than my own bubble is just silly. I was not given a voice that is capable of this kind of work. I have faced this reality and moved forward. Barrel racing now that is something I think I could do. The barrier for it is simply time, money, and resources. Since I did not grow up around horses, nor do I have horses, it would take a good amount of training and cost to ever get to actually participate in a rodeo. Not all hope is lost, but it is far from in reach. Finally, working with domestic violence victims is just a lack of experience and confidence. It is a sensitive topic, one that most don't even like to address. Our society is so obsessed with the positive and good that any talk or thought of something negative or painful goes under the radar for the most part. The reality is there are women that need help and so few are willing to offer it. I on the other hand crave the chance to help in this way, but unfortunately am always defeated by my lack of confidence in my ability. It is something I struggle with constantly and once I feel like I can't, I won't. The light in that dark tunnel though is that, I am the only one holding myself back. I specifically remember when a great friend/supervisor of mine told me that if I ever built my confidence in myself I would be hard to stop. I am sure with proper training, experience, and confidence I could easily do this and I would love it.
Dreams are a funny thing. Some are within reach and others are not. Some seem a little crazy and most of them are scary. Nonetheless, they are my dreams and only stand within my barriers.
What are yours?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
To Goal or Not To Goal
I have never been one for truly sticking to goals. This is shocking really given the field of work I was in for about 4 or 5 years. As a Resident Assistant and a Residence Director we were required to set goals every semester and year. Setting them I could do, that was easy. Sticking to them? Well that is just a whole 'nother playing field. I want to stick to them, I really do. I mean I don't have the goals for no reason. I just get distracted or lose interest or maybe lack will power...not sure.
This summer I have thought a lot about that actually. I have thought about my inability to stick to the goals I create and how much this bothers me. I mean, seriously! Why in the world am I completely ok with unmet goals? Who wants to be friends with someone like that or work with someone like that? I know I wouldn't! So can't you learn to meet a goal Sasha? Can't you stick to one thing you really want to do ever?
Ok I am going to quit talking to myself now, but really this is serious. Therefore, I have made a few goals for the next 6 weeks. Now, they aren't going to be hard goals or things I don't really want to do. They are going to be goals that I think are manageable and good for me at this point in my life. I have you, my readers, to hold me accountable. You might think some are a little strange but here are my goals until the end of July.
1. Read and complete 4 books. I have already started my first one, Redeeming Love.
2. Run/walk 2 miles at least 3 days a week. I have to build my endurance back up which is why I added in the walk.
3. Write 1 letter a week to a friend or family member.
4. Floss everyday. (I know I should already be doing this, but I'm not so give me a break already!)
5. Learn 1 new hobby. I don't have a clue what that will be yet, but I need to learn something new.
I am taking on the 5 goals for two reasons. First, I want to stick to some goals for once. I want to prove to myself that I can. Secondly, it is summer and that is the best time to do things you really want to do but never find time or get around to doing. This is my opinion of course, but you should take it as truth.
So that's it. Those are my goals and I seriously need you to hold me accountable! While your at it try a few yourself. Use this summer to rock out those things you never get around to doing! You will love it, I promise.
Happy Hump Day!
This summer I have thought a lot about that actually. I have thought about my inability to stick to the goals I create and how much this bothers me. I mean, seriously! Why in the world am I completely ok with unmet goals? Who wants to be friends with someone like that or work with someone like that? I know I wouldn't! So can't you learn to meet a goal Sasha? Can't you stick to one thing you really want to do ever?
Ok I am going to quit talking to myself now, but really this is serious. Therefore, I have made a few goals for the next 6 weeks. Now, they aren't going to be hard goals or things I don't really want to do. They are going to be goals that I think are manageable and good for me at this point in my life. I have you, my readers, to hold me accountable. You might think some are a little strange but here are my goals until the end of July.
1. Read and complete 4 books. I have already started my first one, Redeeming Love.
2. Run/walk 2 miles at least 3 days a week. I have to build my endurance back up which is why I added in the walk.
3. Write 1 letter a week to a friend or family member.
4. Floss everyday. (I know I should already be doing this, but I'm not so give me a break already!)
5. Learn 1 new hobby. I don't have a clue what that will be yet, but I need to learn something new.
I am taking on the 5 goals for two reasons. First, I want to stick to some goals for once. I want to prove to myself that I can. Secondly, it is summer and that is the best time to do things you really want to do but never find time or get around to doing. This is my opinion of course, but you should take it as truth.
So that's it. Those are my goals and I seriously need you to hold me accountable! While your at it try a few yourself. Use this summer to rock out those things you never get around to doing! You will love it, I promise.
Happy Hump Day!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
No Backup Plan
Hey God,
I remember when You took me to this place a few months back. I remember because I blogged about it. I had read the Bible and found a place where You talked about unshakable faith. The kind of faith Noah had when he built the Ark. I was so excited at the time because I couldn't believe the amount of examples there were in the Bible of your faithfulness in times of extravagant faith. I was inspired by it.
Today you reminded me of the need for that faith again; only this time I felt a sense of guilt. You see, it is similar to when your parent teaches you a profound lesson and you get really excited because you know you are just going to soak it in and live it out, but eventually the lesson fades and you forget. When your parent comes back to find that you aren't as excited anymore, they get disappointed because they were so excited along with you that you "got it" and were ready to live it. That is how I felt when You reminded me of my faith again today.
I felt like I had let You down because while I do walk in faith everyday, I am not sure it is the kind You taught me about just a few months ago. Truthfully it is not the faith without a back up plan. I know You are capable of everything and I know You will show me the way, but to live it and act like it, well that is just different. Truthfully, God, if I lived like I knew You had a plan and a future for me, as promised in Jeremiah, I might spend less hours on the how as a person and more on the how as God's plan. I might listen more and worry less. I might know you have a plan without my own back up plan in que. I might trust more. I might know that unshakable faith produces unbelievable results. I just might really "get it".
So today, I thank You for Your constant love, grace, and forgiveness. I know my sense of guilt is not necessary because You are always present with more mercy than I could ever ask for. I am learning to believe You WILL and not just that You can. Please take my life back from me. I thought my "just in case" plan was needed, but you kindly reminded me today that it was not. Silly me.
This is step 1 of my faith without a back up plan and if, or when, I fall back into the trap of thinking a back up plan is warranted, I hope you are still there reminding me with all of your love and grace that I can't do it alone...ever. And the best part is I never have to.
Prayerfully,
Sash
I remember when You took me to this place a few months back. I remember because I blogged about it. I had read the Bible and found a place where You talked about unshakable faith. The kind of faith Noah had when he built the Ark. I was so excited at the time because I couldn't believe the amount of examples there were in the Bible of your faithfulness in times of extravagant faith. I was inspired by it.
Today you reminded me of the need for that faith again; only this time I felt a sense of guilt. You see, it is similar to when your parent teaches you a profound lesson and you get really excited because you know you are just going to soak it in and live it out, but eventually the lesson fades and you forget. When your parent comes back to find that you aren't as excited anymore, they get disappointed because they were so excited along with you that you "got it" and were ready to live it. That is how I felt when You reminded me of my faith again today.
I felt like I had let You down because while I do walk in faith everyday, I am not sure it is the kind You taught me about just a few months ago. Truthfully it is not the faith without a back up plan. I know You are capable of everything and I know You will show me the way, but to live it and act like it, well that is just different. Truthfully, God, if I lived like I knew You had a plan and a future for me, as promised in Jeremiah, I might spend less hours on the how as a person and more on the how as God's plan. I might listen more and worry less. I might know you have a plan without my own back up plan in que. I might trust more. I might know that unshakable faith produces unbelievable results. I just might really "get it".
So today, I thank You for Your constant love, grace, and forgiveness. I know my sense of guilt is not necessary because You are always present with more mercy than I could ever ask for. I am learning to believe You WILL and not just that You can. Please take my life back from me. I thought my "just in case" plan was needed, but you kindly reminded me today that it was not. Silly me.
This is step 1 of my faith without a back up plan and if, or when, I fall back into the trap of thinking a back up plan is warranted, I hope you are still there reminding me with all of your love and grace that I can't do it alone...ever. And the best part is I never have to.
Prayerfully,
Sash
Monday, June 13, 2011
Weekend Bliss
There is nothing like the weekends. They are never long enough, but I suppose if they were any longer they might lose the thrill that they hold. The weekend for us was wonderful for so many reasons. It was the first weekend since being back from the honeymoon that we didn't have somewhere to be or something important to do. I didn't feel like I was trying to catch up. I just felt like I was living it out.
I made pancakes from scratch for the first time. They were delicious, better than anything I have ever been able to make from a box and so simple! I used this recipe with 1/4 tsp less salt and 1/4 tsp of vanilla.
I visited the local grocery store, not wal-mart, and took my time.
Zeb went fishing with his buddy and was so excited to be fishing that the 100 degree heat didn't even phase him.
We made homemade salsa with our new food processor. Those things are awesome!
We watched part of Monte Walsh before the wine put me to sleep. I adore the joy that westerns bring my new husband.
We went to the Bell's for dinner on Sunday night, which is never a disappointing time.
I also realized this weekend that I love our temporary home. I love making it a home and taking care of it the way I would a permanent home. Zeb even said I am getting better with my reactions to the bugs.
Life is good. And despite the minor disagreements and hardships along the way, we are learning what it takes to love and live under one roof. I feel so lucky today.
Happy middle of June!
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Power in One
Last night I went to Ruth's Christian Store. I was just wondering around the store wasting time when I came across a book titled; "Reshaping it All". I didn't recognize the girl on the front cover, but it was located in the health section of the books so I was interested. I picked it up and noticed there were pictures in the middle of the book. I immediately flipped to them. To my surprise I noticed it was DJ Tanner from full house! Candace Cameron Bure was DJ Tanner! I couldn't believe it. She looked so different and had written a christian book! I read the back cover to learn more about the contents of the book. This was sort of an autobiography written about her struggle with food and how it changed when her relationship with Jesus changed. I was hooked.
I didn't buy it right away. I wanted to wait, see if I could find it online for cheaper, and read a little more on the Internet. Well, today I got the chance to watch her testimony online. This DJ Tanner had grown up to be a beautiful and strong woman grounded in her love for Jesus Christ. I was captivated by her story, so much so I wanted to watch it again. Her love for God and the beauty of his grace is so apparent in the way she talks and who she is. This is a woman to be fond of. She has led her husband to Christ thru her actions, not her words and she is raising 3 kids as followers of Christ.
Today, because of her testimony, I am praying for the same undying fire that lives in her. She talked about an analogy that she read one time that she really liked. It stuck with me.
There was a little girl who saw a white sheep and thought the white sheep was so pretty against the grass. It started to snow and the little girl realized that against the snow the sheep was not so white and actually quite dirty. It was the same sheep, but because of the background it looked different to her. Well the same is true for us. When we stand with the world as our background we look pretty clean and good. But when you put the perfect and pure Jesus Christ, who never sinned, as our background we can start to see all of our filth. This story is not meant to make us feel bad, but instead meant to show our need for a savior and the perfect grace that God has to offer.
I would encourage anyone to go and listen to Candace's testimony. It is a beautiful and encouraging story.
Today, be aware of God's constant presence in your life.
Have a beautiful weekend!
I didn't buy it right away. I wanted to wait, see if I could find it online for cheaper, and read a little more on the Internet. Well, today I got the chance to watch her testimony online. This DJ Tanner had grown up to be a beautiful and strong woman grounded in her love for Jesus Christ. I was captivated by her story, so much so I wanted to watch it again. Her love for God and the beauty of his grace is so apparent in the way she talks and who she is. This is a woman to be fond of. She has led her husband to Christ thru her actions, not her words and she is raising 3 kids as followers of Christ.
Today, because of her testimony, I am praying for the same undying fire that lives in her. She talked about an analogy that she read one time that she really liked. It stuck with me.
There was a little girl who saw a white sheep and thought the white sheep was so pretty against the grass. It started to snow and the little girl realized that against the snow the sheep was not so white and actually quite dirty. It was the same sheep, but because of the background it looked different to her. Well the same is true for us. When we stand with the world as our background we look pretty clean and good. But when you put the perfect and pure Jesus Christ, who never sinned, as our background we can start to see all of our filth. This story is not meant to make us feel bad, but instead meant to show our need for a savior and the perfect grace that God has to offer.
I would encourage anyone to go and listen to Candace's testimony. It is a beautiful and encouraging story.
Today, be aware of God's constant presence in your life.
Have a beautiful weekend!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Your Love is Deep
"And they just keep comin', comin' and comin', comin'"
I'm baaaaacccccckk!
Don't ask me where those first two lines came from, but when I opened this post and stared blankly wondering what to write those were the first two things that popped into my head. And that is how I operate...at random.
This morning I arrived at Starbucks just after 6 am. Zeb and I are carpooling at the moment due to some vehicular problems and he has to go to work much earlier than me. Therefore, I needed a place to kill time. The temperature was perfect on the outside and cold on the inside. As I thought about that and where I wanted to plop down for the next hour or so, I immediately thought about those descriptors and myself. Perfect on the outside and cold on the inside. Perfect in the sense that on the outside I like to have it together and laugh and show love to those that cross my path. Cold in the sense that on the inside my spiritual fire has almost lost its light and not lost it, like it is dying, but lost it like there is a bowl on top suffocating it. The bowl is this life and everything that comes with it. The ease of getting caught up in the day to day, the ease of worrying what others think, the ease of putting value in the value that you assume others put in you, the ease of dealing with life on your own. And just like a light from a candle, once that bowl begins to suffocate you, its a matter of seconds before the light is gone. And it is a lot harder to re-light than it is to just stay lit. Remove the bowl, please remove the bowl!
I decided to sit outside and dwell in the perfect temperature and the perfect light and the perfect breeze in hopes of soaking in the perfect grace that God gives in every circumstance, but more noticeably in times like this. I prayed a short prayer, I am never one for long ones, and asked for direction. I didn't know where I wanted to start or end in the Bible for that morning, but I knew it had been far too long since I had opened it and I needed God's direction.
"Show me where I should be right now and allow me to hear your words."
He led me to Jonah. Just as perfect as can be he took me right to where he needed me to be this morning. The bowl was lifted and I could start to feel my insides warm. I smiled at one point because it was that familiar feeling of love and mercy. I walked to work this morning and felt renewed. I felt like you do in 1st grade, like I had just worked things out with my best friend and we were walking hand in hand again. And then he continued to talk to me when he put this song in my head as my walking entertainment.
"Your love is deep.
Your love is high.
Your love is long.
Your love is wide.
Your love is deeper than my view of grace
higher than this worldly place
longer than this road I travel
wider than the gap you fill
Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
your love is wide"
Go ahead and pledge your devotion to Jesus today. If you do, your life is guaranteed to be beautiful! Let Jesus shine through you.
I'm baaaaacccccckk!
Don't ask me where those first two lines came from, but when I opened this post and stared blankly wondering what to write those were the first two things that popped into my head. And that is how I operate...at random.
This morning I arrived at Starbucks just after 6 am. Zeb and I are carpooling at the moment due to some vehicular problems and he has to go to work much earlier than me. Therefore, I needed a place to kill time. The temperature was perfect on the outside and cold on the inside. As I thought about that and where I wanted to plop down for the next hour or so, I immediately thought about those descriptors and myself. Perfect on the outside and cold on the inside. Perfect in the sense that on the outside I like to have it together and laugh and show love to those that cross my path. Cold in the sense that on the inside my spiritual fire has almost lost its light and not lost it, like it is dying, but lost it like there is a bowl on top suffocating it. The bowl is this life and everything that comes with it. The ease of getting caught up in the day to day, the ease of worrying what others think, the ease of putting value in the value that you assume others put in you, the ease of dealing with life on your own. And just like a light from a candle, once that bowl begins to suffocate you, its a matter of seconds before the light is gone. And it is a lot harder to re-light than it is to just stay lit. Remove the bowl, please remove the bowl!
I decided to sit outside and dwell in the perfect temperature and the perfect light and the perfect breeze in hopes of soaking in the perfect grace that God gives in every circumstance, but more noticeably in times like this. I prayed a short prayer, I am never one for long ones, and asked for direction. I didn't know where I wanted to start or end in the Bible for that morning, but I knew it had been far too long since I had opened it and I needed God's direction.
"Show me where I should be right now and allow me to hear your words."
He led me to Jonah. Just as perfect as can be he took me right to where he needed me to be this morning. The bowl was lifted and I could start to feel my insides warm. I smiled at one point because it was that familiar feeling of love and mercy. I walked to work this morning and felt renewed. I felt like you do in 1st grade, like I had just worked things out with my best friend and we were walking hand in hand again. And then he continued to talk to me when he put this song in my head as my walking entertainment.
"Your love is deep.
Your love is high.
Your love is long.
Your love is wide.
Your love is deeper than my view of grace
higher than this worldly place
longer than this road I travel
wider than the gap you fill
Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
your love is wide"
Go ahead and pledge your devotion to Jesus today. If you do, your life is guaranteed to be beautiful! Let Jesus shine through you.
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