Deal Me a Hand of Dreams

I follow this girl's blog and read it regularly. If you like deep thinkers, challenging thought, and a little bit of messy you would love her as well. She led me to this writing challenge which is what has prompted me to write this post.

Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson



Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them?

Dreams are a funny thing to think about to me. I have never established if the definition of a dream is something that you could do given certain circumstances or something you could do under any circumstance. I can only remember having one dream as a kid, but in reality if I considered this a dream than it would definitely define dreams as something you could do with certain circumstances. You hear people say all the time; "live your dreams", "follow your heart". And I think I want to do both of those things, but its not straight and narrow. It's complicated. I have lots of dreams, I think, and sometimes following my heart leads to destruction so I guess for me those phrases are hard. God did not create me to be black and white. At least I don't feel like he did. We have had this conversation before, the one about my inability to select one dream and run for it. Substitute dream for job, passion, decision, etc. So selecting my top three dreams is difficult, not to mention unrealistic. My dreams would mean re-doing some life decisions or asking God to create a miracle and granting me with a new voice. While I think he could, I'm not sure it is very likely. I suppose some singing lessons could help. You get the idea though. Dreams are weird.

For the sake of this writing prompt and if I had to select 3 dreams of my very own I think they would look like this.

No I don't actually want to be Miranda Lambert although I know some of you were thinking that, but this one has been my childhood dream. I have been singing for as long as I can remember and I struggle with envy for people that can. I would give the world to have a voice people actually liked and paid to hear. 

This one is silly, but seriously I would love to do this. I remember when I had just gotten out of high school and there was that TV show Made, where they picked people to actually help them make their dreams come true. I wanted so bad to apply and then I let my dumb pride get in the way. I still really want to do this and rodeoing is a dream of Zeb's as well so you never know...maybe before we get too old we can make this happen! 

 This is the best picture I could find to depict another dream of mine and that is to help women that have fallen victim to domestic violence. I can't tell you why God put a burden on my heart for women in distress, but he just has. I got my Bachelor's in Criminal Justice for the very reason of wanting to help women in these situations. There is still hope in living this dream out, but I will soon get to what holds me back.

So those are the top 3 I suppose. They are dreams that for me are either unrealistic or require a great deal to attain. Obviously ever singing professionally or for that matter in any other public space other than my own bubble is just silly. I was not given a voice that is capable of this kind of work. I have faced this reality and moved forward. Barrel racing now that is something I think I could do. The barrier for it is simply time, money, and resources. Since I did not grow up around horses, nor do I have horses, it would take a good amount of training and cost to ever get to actually participate in a rodeo. Not all hope is lost, but it is far from in reach. Finally, working with domestic violence victims is just a lack of experience and confidence. It is a sensitive topic, one that most don't even like to address. Our society is so obsessed with the positive and good that any talk or thought of something negative or painful goes under the radar for the most part. The reality is there are women that need help and so few are willing to offer it. I on the other hand crave the chance to help in this way, but unfortunately am always defeated by my lack of confidence in my ability. It is something I struggle with constantly and once I feel like I can't, I won't. The light in that dark tunnel though is that, I am the only one holding myself back. I specifically remember when a great friend/supervisor of mine told me that if I ever built my confidence in myself I would be hard to stop. I am sure with proper training, experience, and confidence I could easily do this and I would love it.

Dreams are a funny thing. Some are within reach and others are not. Some seem a little crazy and most of them are scary. Nonetheless, they are my dreams and only stand within my barriers.

What are yours?