Sometimes You Just Need to Write...Finally!

I have come to this space a dozen times twice over the past month. I would stare, read, and stare some more. I would scroll over new post. Actually click new post. I would stare. Wander to another blog, read some, and then stare some more. I promise it has happened almost daily. Craving to produce something. Thirsty for words. They were in some far off land and no matter how much I tried, nothing was coming to mind. Not a damn thing worth putting in cyber space.

Today is the first day I have actually "felt" pregnant. Since we found out we were expecting 4 years, I mean weeks ago, I have not felt much different. And while yes it has felt like light years ago, today is the day I woke up, looked in the mirror and thought, "yep, pregnant I am". Thankfully, I have had no sign of sickness, other than a cold, and very little other signs of pregnancy. I have still been able to run, while much slower these days, running is still happening and I am anxiously looking forward to my half marathon in just under a month.

I get the question, a lot, if I feel ready to be a mom. I am not sure how anyone knows if they feel ready and so it has been an awkward question to answer. I took this "10 Things That Mean You are Ready For a Baby" quiz and it was about 50/50. So I guess I am as ready as I will ever be. It has been weird to think about. I don't even know where to begin on a wish-list so I have basically avoided almost all baby stuff. Truthfully, Zeb and I haven't discussed much about it. Names? hardly Colors? nope Other baby stuff we should discuss? Nope. Much different than the first few weeks of being engaged. I mean I almost had that figured out in no time. Baby stuff...clueless.

This led me to thinking about how parenting and all that is just suppose to come natural. There isn't a whole lot of training in that department. God, I hope you created some instincts inside because this girl is terrified. I mean I can handle a dog, but I grew up with them. I got to practice for 18 years before. I didn't grow up with babies. I baby sat from time to time, but nothing major. Can you see where my panic lies?

In an effort to not panic I have resorted to just pretending that the small olive in my stomach is not going to ever actually become a small child that is my sole responsibility. It is much less scary when I think about just carrying him/her in my stomach for eternity. Safer.

Next week is our first "official" doctor's appt. where we get to hear the heart beat and make sure everything is looking good so far. Oh and to confirm that twins are not on the way. Oh Lordy, could you imagine? In the meantime I am sticking to books, running, and fall baking to keep my mind off how truly excited I am to meet our angel in May. Scared, but very excited.

Happy Monday, Fall, and Columbus Day!