Precious Jesus

About a year ago, right before I had Grady actually, our church held a Women's bible study over the lunch hour. It was one hour for 4 weeks that focused around telling your story. Each week we got to listen to the story of one woman and how Jesus had worked in her life. Shortly after that started I shared the second half of my Jesus story. I shared the part after I surrendered my life to Jesus. I shared how that happened and what things had happened in my life since that time. I was planning to return and write the part of my story leading up to finding Jesus....but Grady came 3 weeks early and now here we are a year later! I am not here today to really share that story, but I started thinking about it this week when I was thinking about my relationship with Jesus.

"How do I expect to teach my children about the Bible if I don't know about it?"

"Your children are watching you so closely. What are you showing them? Is it the love of Christ and how to have a deep relationship?"

You see, having Grady has really created quite the conundrum. I want to know Jesus deeply and have a strong relationship with him and demonstrate his love daily. And I want all of these things of course because they are important to me, but they have become even more important now, with Grady. I want all of those same things for him. I want him to know who Jesus was and what Jesus did for him and why we REALLY celebrate Easter. The bunny is cute and all, but come on there is deeper meaning here! I want my relationship to be great because I want his to be even greater! However, being a full time mommy, working full time, being a full time wife, and hardly a part time sister, daughter, friend, church go-er, work outer, and anything else I spend time doing has made things quite difficult in the effort of having an intimate relationship with the creator of the universe. It goes without saying, I have F-A-I-L-E-D.

In the last several months those two questions above that I have heard in separate settings from different people have stuck with me. How do I expect to teach Grady the importance of the bible and him actually believe it when I am not doing it myself? In addition, am I exhibiting the love and actions of Christ on a regular basis so that he knows what that looks like and how to do that? I know he is only 1, but we are already teaching him the ABC's and how to say things like mama and dada. Shouldn't Jesus be in there somewhere?

The basic theme of my Jesus story prior to actually becoming a Christian was that I always felt his presence. From the time I was a small, small child I had a desire to know him. I was curious about him. I went to church because it was interesting to me. And then I came to know him as an adult because I let people talk to me about Him. I just never felt like He wasn't there.

And here is the most PRECIOUS thing about Jesus today

I still haven't felt like He wasn't there. After a year and some change of making, excuse my language, half-ass efforts at a relationship with him. Making excuses like; I am a new mom, new responsibilities, learning the new routine, blah, blah, blah...HE IS STILL THERE.

He is still there. 

He has not abandoned me. He has not shamed me or made me feel less than enough. Even after a full year of hardly throwing a bone his way, he has loved me and accepted me and shown me more grace and mercy than I could ever ask or deserve. Ya'll he is pursuing me! Just as he pursued me my whole life, he is pursuing me still today and is pursuing you too!

I am in awe. As we approach these two weeks before Easter and the celebration of his death and resurrection, think on that. The God of the Universe sent his son to die for you. Then he raised him from the dead so that you could know him and love him forever and ever, amen! He pursued you then and he is pursuing you today. Not out of works does he want a relationship, but simply loving and trusting him with your life. No matter what you have done or will do, He is still there. Fully and completely in love with you.

And as I lay my head to rest tonight I will find peace in that. I will strive for relationship and to do better tomorrow, but tonight I will find rest in knowing I am still enough.