Precious Jesus

About a year ago, right before I had Grady actually, our church held a Women's bible study over the lunch hour. It was one hour for 4 weeks that focused around telling your story. Each week we got to listen to the story of one woman and how Jesus had worked in her life. Shortly after that started I shared the second half of my Jesus story. I shared the part after I surrendered my life to Jesus. I shared how that happened and what things had happened in my life since that time. I was planning to return and write the part of my story leading up to finding Jesus....but Grady came 3 weeks early and now here we are a year later! I am not here today to really share that story, but I started thinking about it this week when I was thinking about my relationship with Jesus.

"How do I expect to teach my children about the Bible if I don't know about it?"

"Your children are watching you so closely. What are you showing them? Is it the love of Christ and how to have a deep relationship?"

You see, having Grady has really created quite the conundrum. I want to know Jesus deeply and have a strong relationship with him and demonstrate his love daily. And I want all of these things of course because they are important to me, but they have become even more important now, with Grady. I want all of those same things for him. I want him to know who Jesus was and what Jesus did for him and why we REALLY celebrate Easter. The bunny is cute and all, but come on there is deeper meaning here! I want my relationship to be great because I want his to be even greater! However, being a full time mommy, working full time, being a full time wife, and hardly a part time sister, daughter, friend, church go-er, work outer, and anything else I spend time doing has made things quite difficult in the effort of having an intimate relationship with the creator of the universe. It goes without saying, I have F-A-I-L-E-D.

In the last several months those two questions above that I have heard in separate settings from different people have stuck with me. How do I expect to teach Grady the importance of the bible and him actually believe it when I am not doing it myself? In addition, am I exhibiting the love and actions of Christ on a regular basis so that he knows what that looks like and how to do that? I know he is only 1, but we are already teaching him the ABC's and how to say things like mama and dada. Shouldn't Jesus be in there somewhere?

The basic theme of my Jesus story prior to actually becoming a Christian was that I always felt his presence. From the time I was a small, small child I had a desire to know him. I was curious about him. I went to church because it was interesting to me. And then I came to know him as an adult because I let people talk to me about Him. I just never felt like He wasn't there.

And here is the most PRECIOUS thing about Jesus today

I still haven't felt like He wasn't there. After a year and some change of making, excuse my language, half-ass efforts at a relationship with him. Making excuses like; I am a new mom, new responsibilities, learning the new routine, blah, blah, blah...HE IS STILL THERE.

He is still there. 

He has not abandoned me. He has not shamed me or made me feel less than enough. Even after a full year of hardly throwing a bone his way, he has loved me and accepted me and shown me more grace and mercy than I could ever ask or deserve. Ya'll he is pursuing me! Just as he pursued me my whole life, he is pursuing me still today and is pursuing you too!

I am in awe. As we approach these two weeks before Easter and the celebration of his death and resurrection, think on that. The God of the Universe sent his son to die for you. Then he raised him from the dead so that you could know him and love him forever and ever, amen! He pursued you then and he is pursuing you today. Not out of works does he want a relationship, but simply loving and trusting him with your life. No matter what you have done or will do, He is still there. Fully and completely in love with you.

And as I lay my head to rest tonight I will find peace in that. I will strive for relationship and to do better tomorrow, but tonight I will find rest in knowing I am still enough.

The Christmas Story

As I stood in the mirror, I stared at myself and I don't think one nice thing came to mind. I began thinking of all the ways I had failed at work that week. The mistreatment I had given anyone that crossed me wrong. I thought of how I hadn't met my daily water intake goal and how again another 5 days had passed and I hadn't stepped foot in the gym. I thought of how the scale still read a number much higher than I wanted and how my clothes were still too tight. Oh...and how those maternity clothes are still filling my comfort zone quite well. I thought of how we had over spent here and not saved enough there. I thought of all the ways I could do better as a mom to Grady or a wife to Zeb. I thought of the dishes that still needed done, the floors that needed cleaned, and the laundry that needed washed. I thought of the 7 to 8 books waiting to be read and the PHR I have yet to dedicate enough study time to. I thought of the bible that was getting dusty on my bedside table. And then I began to wonder....Where is my God in all of this? How have I found myself so far removed that all I can do is recognize how messy my life has become? What desert have I wandered into?

Satan is the best liar and the best thief of our life.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy..."-John 10:10

In that moment a tear began to fall. I had become so caught up in keeping up that I had completely lost my soul.

"I don't wanna gain the world and lose my soul"-Toby Mac

I was talking to a mentor/friend at work a couple weeks ago and she said something that sent chills through my whole body. We were discussing how to handle the tough things that life throws at you sometimes and she said something so convicting. "How would you want Grady to handle it?"

"How would you want Grady to handle it?"

"How would you want Grady to talk to himself when everything feels out of control and messy?"

"How would you advise your very best friend to work through the mess or rut or situation they were going through?"

I mean isn't that how it is? So often we let our self talk or self advice sound much different than what we might tell those we love most. But what if for 1 minute you said something different to yourself? What if you believed you could go after your dream? What if you believed you could create different habits? Or quit habits you have had for a long time? What if you told yourself you could do better? Or that you were actually pretty and worthy  of great things? What if you believed that there was a God that has come so that you could have life more abundantly? What if you knew you didn't have to carry those burdens alone?

What if...???

It is Christmas time. And the real Christmas story tells us that there was a savior born over 2000 years ago. He laid in manger. He lived a perfect life. He died a perfect death. And he rose from that tomb for you. So that you could live today and walk amongst this crazy world without dying to it. You see there is an enemy lurking. He is finding everything he can as a foothold to keep you down. He wants to kill your belief, steal your joy, and destroy any relationships in your life that might do otherwise. I'm praying we stay focused on the light of this world. The light that led the shepherds through the night to the new born king. The light that continued to shine for all the world. The light that lives in you. The light that lives in me. For our broken souls are made perfect by the only one that could. Unto us a King is born!

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"-John 10:10

The Familiar Voice

I have said this before, but since becoming a mommy I have not felt called to be home rather than working. I truly believe there is a place for me in the workforce and I really enjoy what I do. With that said, I definitely have my moments when I wonder how different things might look if I did take the opportunity to be a stay at home mommy. Maybe I could work harder at my fitness certification that has been pending for 6 months or get better at cooking, read more, oh all the time I would have!(I know all my SAHM friends are laughing at me right now. It's not reality) I had a moment about a month ago, it was a Sunday morning. Zeb was at work and I was trying to get Grady down for his morning nap. He wouldn't go down. After an hour and a half and lots of tears I FINALLY got him to sleep. However, I couldn't help but wonder if the reason I couldn't do it was because I didn't do it enough. There was Satan, creeping in to tell me just one more thing I wasn't good at.

Fast forward to yesterday. Can I tell you what I absolutely, 100% love about being a working mommy? Yesterday, I walked into Ms. Ruby's house. I made my way back to the room where all the kiddos hang out. I found Ms. Ruby in her chair and behind her was Grady. He hadn't seen me yet, but as I was walking up to the gate I began talking. Immediately those sweet blue eyes popped around the chair and his face lit up. He got his hands straight and crawled as quick as his little body would let him right over to me. As I picked him up he just clenched to me. And ladies and gentlemen, this momma's heart melted. How sweet it is to walk in, after a hard day at work, to that sweet face and get that response. Because even though he couldn't tell me, I knew he was just as excited to see me as I was him.

When I thought about that moment, I began to think about Jesus. Isn't that how He is? We go through times of absence. Times when we get to "work" on our lives trying to make everything right and happen just the way we want it. It may be days. It may even be months and years. Maybe we forget what it's like to even know Jesus on a daily basis anymore. Maybe we think He has forgotten us or better yet, mad at us for trying to do life on our own. Maybe we get caught up in the Holiday season feeling stressed and pressured by all of the demands this season can bring. Maybe life has thrown us around on one too many crazy rollercoasters and it feels impossible to think that God is even watching over you anymore so you go into the desert for a little bit. Maybe somewhere along the way the world got real good at convincing you that you needed way more of it than any spiritual relief. Whatever it is, maybe it has just been a while since you have seen the face of Jesus and felt the hand of God. Felt that sweet grasp. Jesus is like that moment with Grady. Regardless of the absence, of how the departure went, of how the all the time in the middle without each other seemed, His response when you return will be pure joy. His face will light up. His pace will be quick. His clench will be strong. And he will hold you and kiss you and without a word needed the joy in his face will say in that all familiar way, "I am so glad you came back".

Sweet friends, my prayer is that you are seeking and experiencing that joy today. My prayer is that you are asking God to fight the fleshly desires on your behalf. That Satan would not stand a chance in your life because of the relationship you have with your Father, in Heaven. If you are finding yourself in the desert, I pray you hear his voice leading you home. I'm praying you needed this reminder as much as I did today. And in the spirit of this season that is all about Him and the life He lived I pray for a fire to be lit in your soul. And when that fire is lit, I pray you take that light to others to spark their fire.

Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle.They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away.Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle.Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind,for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.-Psalm 107:4-9

Will You Step Up to Bat?

In third grade I made the all star softball team. It was one of our last games of the season and we were playing a great team. Towards the end of that game that great team put in a great pitcher. She was fast. To this day I still remember the choice I made. It is the earliest memory I have of that choice that I would make time and time again. Pulling myself out of a game I never even gave myself a chance to beat. You see there was an inning where I got hit in the shin pretty hard by a line drive. It hurt, but I was fine. However, when we got into the dugout I told my coach I was hurt and couldn't bat. Truth be told I was afraid. I was afraid to get up there against that fast pitcher and strike out. So instead I told my coach I couldn't bat because my leg was hurting too bad. He looked at me and said, Sasha if I pull you out of the batting line up I have to pull you off the field. He didn't want that as much as I didn't. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a darn good softball player. I told him to pull me. He was disappointed, I think my parents were disappointed, and I was certainly disappointed.

I tell you that story because it is the clearest example I can give you of a time I gave up on myself before I even gave myself a chance. There were others around me that believed in me, but I didn't believe in myself. And I never knew characteristics of ourselves that could be life long would show that early on. You see I could give you a handful of other examples when I decided I didn't have what it takes before I even knew if I had what it took. Over the course of the last 20 years or so I have multiple times where the first thought was I am not capable. I can't. How different would my life look if I just believed for one minute that I could?

Self talk and self belief are powerful forces in our lives. A couple weeks ago we had a women's worship night at church. The speaker addressed self talk that night. It matters. Those things you keep telling yourself. They matter. I've always admired the woman that believes in herself, but those women are few and far between. Can anyone tell me why we spend so much time lifting each other up, but yet so much time tearing ourselves down?

You sweet girl...I am talking to you. That other mom doesn't have it all figured out. She may hold it together better, but I promise she is just as confused with this mom thing as you are. And you young lady. Thinking God has forgotten about you at the not quite ripe age of 25. He hasn't. Your prince charming is around the corner. Who cares if your friends found theirs faster. Enjoy the single life. It doesn't last forever. And you wise woman. Wondering if that sweet baby you rocked to sleep so many years ago will ever need you like that again. I promise he/she needs you today just as much as he/she needed you then. It's hard learning how to parent an adult, but it will get easier. And all of you sweet women in between. Where ever you are in life and whatever it is you are facing, I pray your self talk is gentle. I pray you are believing in yourself even when it seems no one else is. There is a God up above saying, "I believed in you when I knit you in your mother's womb".

"Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O' Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jerusalem! The Lord has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy. The Lord, the King of Isreal, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. On that day they will say to Jerusalem; "Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hand hang limp. The Lord your God is with you, he is might to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."-Zephaniah 3:14-17

The last couple weeks have presented some great opportunities to demonstrate belief in myself. They were opportunities to trust the Lord and know that whatever it is he is calling me to he will bring me through. I took a bold step of faith in knowing that God has equipped me for anything that I am being asked to do for his glory. It's not my plan, it's his. And when I can rest in that assurance there is no fear. There is no worry. He says simply, believe in me and I will equip you to believe in yourself.

What do you need help believing today?

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11

Work as Worship

Last month our Lifegroup did a study called "Work as Worship". It was all about looking at your work as a form of worship to God. This study resonated with me for so many reasons. I have been working since I was about 11 years old. Thanks to my Dad and his awesome job at Sonic, I had the ability to not only earn money but learn the importance of a good work ethic early on. I can still remember the way customers looked at me when I brought their orders out. Bewildered. How old is this girl? That's right, 12 years old.

Because of this I learned earlier than most the importance of good customer service, a can-do attitude, and how important it is to put your best foot forward all the time. My absolute favorite part of my days at Sonic was interacting with the customers. Not even just for the tips. I truly loved seeing people smile and doing anything I could to ensure they had the best fast food experience. I still love it.

Fast forward about 15 years and here I am now applying those same lessons to a different type of work. I am convinced it's the reason I love recruitment so much. It is all about service. I really enjoy doing all I can to find the perfect candidate for a hiring manager. I love talking to candidates about their career goals. I am not afraid to be really honest with a candidate about a position if it isn't the right fit because it leads to a better conversation of what could be a good fit. I tend to have a very grey attitude about things because I am usually of the mindset that we can figure out a way to make it work. My dad used to always tell me that we could do anything the customer asked. So you can thank him for trying to apply that same mantra in the corporate world.

I also like to think that because I started work so early in such a fast paced environment I tend to thrive in that way still today. You can find me easily at my desk with an offer letter in draft, talking on the phone with a manager, updating my spreadsheet, and starting an email all at the same time. I actually prefer this type of work over focusing on one event at a time. All those years of taking a customers order on the board while starting their beverages and bagging orders taught my mind how to juggle well. I am thankful for that.

I truly do look at my work as a form of worship because I feel like I am doing exactly what God called me to do. He prepared me at a young age. Becoming a mom has forced me to really re-evaluate my work, but I haven't felt called to do anything different. I grew up in a working family and I don't tend to think I need to stay home in order to be a good Mom so I'm not sure that will ever be the path I take. I find it very balancing to work and be a mom, but I'm not ruling anything out either. If God calls me to stay home sometime in my future then I'm sure he will allow me to use my talents in other ways.

Another huge part of the study that really shook me was the week we discussed management. I am not in a management role now, but since I have been in the past and hope to be again in the future I try to pay attention to the topic. I have been very fortunate to have some excellent managers in my life and only a couple not so great managers. To me, a good manager, is one that fosters both personal and professional development, is honest to the core, and does not micro-manage. There was a point brought up in the study though that I had never thought about. They said something along the lines of, "as a manager you directly impact your employee's quality of life. In some cases they spend more time at work then they do at home and it is important that you are aware of the environment you are creating for them." I have literally not quit thinking about that. And the more I thought I about it, I started thinking how true it was just as an individual contributor. I share an office with one of my co-workers and I have the ability to directly influence how her days are. I can either create a positive place or a negative place. We spend at least 40 hours a week together and I would much rather we enjoy that time while being productive than sit quietly waiting for quitting time! You see, the point was, when you are treating your work as a form of worship to God, you should also be creating a space that would honor God. This was earth shattering for me.

As a self-help junkie, I love to learn and find ways to make myself better. I was never the girl in school trying to be original. I typically fell into a mold that didn't make me stand out too much and always looked right in the teacher's eyes. As an adult I have noticed that if I try too hard to not stand out I can quickly become like everyone else. To be honest I am not too fond of what most people look like these days. Our workplaces are drenched in people that don't try very hard, live for the weekend, and make the lives of those around them miserable.

God, please let me be original. God help me be different in the workplace. God help me over come my mold favoring tendencies and create an environment that helps others look forward to Monday. When my flesh starts to take over and work in a worldly fashion, help me remember that I am not working for those around me, but for a heavenly Father. I am there for a unique purpose that only you have created. I have gifts that even when they don't seem recognized by my peers, are recognized by you. Help me remember that my work is not simply to pay my bills, but to worship you and do exactly what you have put me on this earth to do. Thank you for that purpose and trusting me with your plans.

Amen.

So what can you do tomorrow to start creating an environment in your workplace that honors God?