Random Thoughts

Today is one of those days where I don't need coffee to make me talk and I think I am really funny. It is also one of those days where I drink coffee anyway and then realize that I am not all that funny, but smile anyway. Today is also one of those days that my thoughts are going 100 miles an hour and I can't type fast enough to get it all out. So here is what I got going for this beautiful Friday...

The last 3 weeks have been a little busy. My sister visited the first week and we spent lots of time just chatting, drinking wine, and eating lots of terribly good food! Terribly bad for you, but tastes so good. Then last week I was in Vegas for a work conference and spent some much needed friend time with a local over the weekend. And this week I have been playing catch up. Catch up on my eating right, exercising, and work. Those 3 things kinda got pushed to the side.

With all of that said guess where I am at on Insanity? For those of you thinking I quit, I have not! However, I am not nearly as far along as I should be. I am just about finished with week 4, for my 3rd attempt. The last 2 weeks I started week 4 and never finished. I am determined to finish this program as I promised in the beginning, it just is not happening in 60 days. I have certainly noticed some changes in my body and my clothes are fitting a little better, but the scale has not moved much. I think after my recovery week next week I will see some more movement on the scale since all of the workouts will be increasing about 15 minutes in length. Lord, help me! I am also starting my half-marathon training on July 1st. This means for about 3 weeks I will be running and doing insanity. Again, Lord, help me!

I am really excited about an entrepreneurial adventure that I will be taking in the near future. I haven't gotten a lot of details nailed down yet so I won't share until then, but just know it is going to be awesome! It is something that doesn't quite exist yet, at least in the form we are trying it. More to come!

My eating habits have been switched up quite a bit. For those of you that think you can't make changes in your diet without feeling restricted, I am here to tell you that you can. If I can, you can! I have a sweet tooth like nobody's business and yet I have kept them minimal. I also love comfort foods. However, I have changed to mostly fruits and veggies to eat during the day. I have noticed huge changes in the way I feel and have a whole lot more energy. I also drink insane amounts of water, like peeing every 30 minutes amounts, but it helps. Try to make one change this next week. I have taken baby steps and found that to be the most efficient way to keep me on track. Oh and the myfitnesspal app helps. I can see what I am eating everyday!

Last night I made a cake to celebrate 3 years since being baptized. I referred to it as my 3rd re-birthday. The day I was reborn in Christ. It has been quite the journey, but I can honestly say that my approach to life is just different when walking with Christ. I want to be kinder, love bigger, give more, and live in constant sacrifice like Jesus. Even though I fail at these daily it is because of Jesus that I can try again tomorrow without feeling guilt or shame. Jesus paid it all so that nothing I do no matter how good can be counted for me or against me. God's love is unconditional and that is something to celebrate.

Speaking of God, I think we finally found a church. I was beginning to get discouraged as we looked and looked, but 2 weeks ago I visited one and knew instantly. It is funny how God works because we were actually suppose to visit it a month ago, but a girl I had met invited us to hers so we tried that out instead. After visiting that one and deciding we could probably call that one home, I was still feeling drawn to try out Harvest. Well 2 weeks ago I got up to get ready to go to the other church we had visited before, but at the last minute decided to go to Harvest. I was nervous because I was having to go alone since Zeb was working and I just know Satan was trying to give me every excuse not to. Even when I pulled up to it, I almost kept driving. But God's pull was stronger. It is much smaller than what we are used to, but when I first walked in it just felt right. Then during worship, the tears came. I just knew this was the place we were suppose to be. I can't wait to take Zeb there and see what he thinks, but I am fairly certain Harvest will become our new church family. Yippee!

Finally, tomorrow will be 1 month until we get to move into our new home. No more lease agreements, pet deposits, or landlords. Thank you, Jesus!! I can't wait to begin that new step of making the home ours. It is expected be finished in a couple weeks. We will do the walk thru with the builder and then sign the papers! Praying everything goes smooth.

Enough of my random chatter for the day. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend full of love and laughter!! I plan to spend mine absorbing books, sun, and sweat!

Happy Summer!

Seasons of Life

This new town provides for a lot of down time. I know once the semester kicks in and we have made a few friends hours won't pass the way they do now and so I am trying to take them in the best way I know how.

When I am not working I spend a lot of time trying out new things in the kitchen, exercising, and reading. Throw in sipping coffee and wine and you pretty much have a perfect picture of how our days pass.

Yesterday I had lots of alone time to think about our life so far in Lubbock. I have lots of alone time period these days with Zeb working 60 hours a week. The guy has 2 days off this entire month and hasn't complained once. I love him for that and I love that God provided so perfectly that he could actually enjoy working this much.

Any way back to my thinking. Our life operates in seasons, much like this world. Seasons of trial, happiness, busyness, growth, etc. We just finished up a season of trials for sure and I believe now we are headed into a season of growth. I am not sure how or why or even what it means, but I do know that can be the only explanation for all the feelings existing inside of me right now.

I am in an overall state of betterhood. I want to be better. I need to be better. My thoughts are surrounded by the concept of being better. And I don't think it is such a bad thing. I think there is a lot of good that can come out of a very large awareness, that maybe you are passing time in not so productive ways. I know there is a time for productivity and a time for the latter, seasons, but right now I believe I am in a season of growth which requires productivity. Doesn't it?

That is what I am toying with. So far in Lubbock, there has been little productivity. Learning new jobs aside, I would say it has been a wasted 6 weeks. Yesterday, when I realized 6 weeks had been for better or worse wasted on nights of couch sitting and weekends of dare I say more couch sitting, I nearly went into panic mode. What are we becoming?

I immediately looked up and asked, "is this what you brought us to Lubbock for?" "To sit and waste days away and not get plugged in and not have friends and not have a community?" Sometimes when you question God's motives, you need to be ready for the reality check of your life! Because in that moment, I felt like a very small child sitting on the ground with a very parental finger pointing in my face teaching me something about life.

"You are never satisfied with what I have for you. You wanted to go on an adventure. Remember prayer #756 in March when you begged and pleaded for a new life in a new town with new things and new people? Remember when you said you could handle it? Now I have brought you to it and you are back to complaining?"

Those may not of been exactly His words and they may not have come off in the tone that I am portraying, but that is essentially the reality check I got. In that moment I realized it was time for my next season. While this season seems slow and unproductive, it is exactly where we need to be in this moment. I need to run and do insanity to pass time and weight. I need to read 3 books at one time right now. I need to be slow in finding us a home church with a great community. I need all of this right now. I don't know why or what the next season has in store, but I do know that this season is setting the table. In the meantime I will try to take notes.

Can Someone Shake Me?

I think I need a talkin' to. A pep talk. A reality talk. Somethin. This girl is on the verge of losing her mind.

The days usually vaguely begin at 5:30 AM. By vaguely, I mean the alarm goes off, I think about what day it is, hit snooze and fall back asleep...for about 8 minutes. And I do this EVERY morning. Why?

Because EVERY night before bed I set my alarm anticipating the run I will take at the wee hours of the morning, and the coffee I will enjoy on the back porch, and the time I will spend in solitude before the day really begins. Every night I anticipate this. Every night I want this. And every morning I miss the mark.

At about 6:48 AM I realize my perfect morning has now been lost and jump out of bed to rush around in order to leave on time. Once I have beat myself up enough about missing out on my perfect morning, I reassure myself that I still have tomorrow to do it right. Oh and the weekends?? Well I hardly sleep past 7 AM these days in hopes of enjoying some sweet morning moments. Every day. Every week. Anxiety around what I am missing out on in those mornings I choose snooze sets in. I love them. I miss them.

The rest of my day revolves around how can I....

eat better?
save more money?
make more money?
read more?
write more?
exercise more?
worship more?
talk to friends more?
talk to family more?
invest more in my marriage?
learn a new hobby?
prove to old acquaintances that I am better, kinder?
get better at my job?
get better at cooking?
become certified in group fitness?
learn more about the world?
get organized?

How can I do all that today? or at least by the end of the week? How?

Are ya'll tired yet?

I need someone to tell me the world is not ending next Monday and I still have time to do better at all of the above. I need someone to tell me that it is OK to sleep in some mornings and not stress about the morning I missed and as much as I love those brief moments in the morning I will get another day to enjoy them. I need someone to tell me I can't be everything to everyone. I need someone to tell me that even if I don't get it all done, what is done is enough.

Today I get 1,440 minutes to spend doing my best. My best is sometimes my worst, but tomorrow is another 1,440 minutes that is not actually promised to me. All I have is today.

Someone remind me to breathe. Take in this moment. And just live.