Seasons of Life

This new town provides for a lot of down time. I know once the semester kicks in and we have made a few friends hours won't pass the way they do now and so I am trying to take them in the best way I know how.

When I am not working I spend a lot of time trying out new things in the kitchen, exercising, and reading. Throw in sipping coffee and wine and you pretty much have a perfect picture of how our days pass.

Yesterday I had lots of alone time to think about our life so far in Lubbock. I have lots of alone time period these days with Zeb working 60 hours a week. The guy has 2 days off this entire month and hasn't complained once. I love him for that and I love that God provided so perfectly that he could actually enjoy working this much.

Any way back to my thinking. Our life operates in seasons, much like this world. Seasons of trial, happiness, busyness, growth, etc. We just finished up a season of trials for sure and I believe now we are headed into a season of growth. I am not sure how or why or even what it means, but I do know that can be the only explanation for all the feelings existing inside of me right now.

I am in an overall state of betterhood. I want to be better. I need to be better. My thoughts are surrounded by the concept of being better. And I don't think it is such a bad thing. I think there is a lot of good that can come out of a very large awareness, that maybe you are passing time in not so productive ways. I know there is a time for productivity and a time for the latter, seasons, but right now I believe I am in a season of growth which requires productivity. Doesn't it?

That is what I am toying with. So far in Lubbock, there has been little productivity. Learning new jobs aside, I would say it has been a wasted 6 weeks. Yesterday, when I realized 6 weeks had been for better or worse wasted on nights of couch sitting and weekends of dare I say more couch sitting, I nearly went into panic mode. What are we becoming?

I immediately looked up and asked, "is this what you brought us to Lubbock for?" "To sit and waste days away and not get plugged in and not have friends and not have a community?" Sometimes when you question God's motives, you need to be ready for the reality check of your life! Because in that moment, I felt like a very small child sitting on the ground with a very parental finger pointing in my face teaching me something about life.

"You are never satisfied with what I have for you. You wanted to go on an adventure. Remember prayer #756 in March when you begged and pleaded for a new life in a new town with new things and new people? Remember when you said you could handle it? Now I have brought you to it and you are back to complaining?"

Those may not of been exactly His words and they may not have come off in the tone that I am portraying, but that is essentially the reality check I got. In that moment I realized it was time for my next season. While this season seems slow and unproductive, it is exactly where we need to be in this moment. I need to run and do insanity to pass time and weight. I need to read 3 books at one time right now. I need to be slow in finding us a home church with a great community. I need all of this right now. I don't know why or what the next season has in store, but I do know that this season is setting the table. In the meantime I will try to take notes.