We are about to make the jump! We are officially 1 week from packing up and heading south! We have two things definitely figured out. Zeb will start his job as an Operations Agent at the Lubbock airport on April 30th and I will start my job as Assistant Director of Employer Relations for the College of Business at Texas Tech on May 1st. Other than that we are completely unprepared. I am wrapping up things at my job currently, we have not begun packing, and we have not found a place to live. Trust me, we are really good at this moving thing. :)
We are both really excited about this new move, new jobs, and new chapter in our life, but can I just tell you something? I never thought I would actually say this. I mean I am the girl who has pretty much never moved back home since leaving for college at 18 with the exception of summer breaks. I am also the girl who moved 16 hours away from everything I knew to a place where I knew nothing. This time though, I AM SADTERRIFIEDINDENIAL. Did you get that? Let me break it down.
I AM SAD. I am sad to be leaving this state I have called home for almost 4 years. I am sad to leave behind my church, my friends, and everything I have come to know and love.
I AM TERRIFIED. I am terrified of this new town I will have to call home. What if we don't make friends? I mean I am married now, you have to make friends differently when you are married. What if we don't find a good church family? We love our church family here and our new ones have a high bar to meet. What if we can't find a nice place to live? Again, our current living arrangement has set the bar high.
I AM IN DENIAL...just a little. No, we aren't really moving in a week no need to eat all our food up and start putting things in boxes. No, God didn't really provide for us so perfectly that we are actually relocating to a whole different state because of a lay off just two months ago and both starting with jobs in exactly our field of work. No, dear friends in Oklahoma stop asking if you are going to see me again, I am not going anywhere.
If there is one thing I should be really good at in this point of my life, it is moving and saying goodbye. Since leaving for college I think I have moved 13 times. IN 7 YEARS!!! Needless to say, I am ready to actually stay in a single location for a full year! I know everything will work out and the emotions I am feeling now will subside. I know I will still have my friends here in Oklahoma from a distance and we will make new friends in Lubbock. I also know we will find a good church and that God has planned perfectly how the next few years will go. Knowing all of that makes it easier...a little. OH and yes I do know we are ACTUALLY moving in a week.
Say some prayers for us...Lord, knows we need them!
Happy Thursday!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
By His Grace
The first quarter of the year has come and gone. I never thought things could change so drastically in as little as 3 months. In respect to my selected word for this year, I would say that I have related a lot lately in hopes of growing the person that I am and wish to be. In my initial post about my word, relate, I mentioned wanting to relate with others in order to bring joy and grace to their lives. Well can I just say that the exact opposite has occurred? I have experienced more grace from people, particularly perfect strangers, in the last three months than I ever knew possible.
How about our landlords? Who after 4 days of living in the home they were renting us that we had just signed a 12 month lease on, told us that they were praying for our situation and would absolutely not hesitate to let us go with no penalties if we had to move somewhere else for Zeb to get a job.
How about the vet? When we thought we were going to lose our golden to a measly 2 inch stick that ended up being stuck in his intestine, but we didn't because they offered to do surgery at an extremely discounted rate with multiple free services just after 2 months of opening their own doors to the community.
Strangers...extending grace.
I also mentioned in that initial post that I hoped to give generously, practice kindness regularly, and bring back the great news of the work that God is doing in my life. Never did I imagine that God would actually take those words, place them on others hearts, and allow me to experience it more abundantly than I am giving it.
Friends offering their resources to provide meals for us. Others checking in just because. Encouragement being given left and right with prayers to support it. We have experienced generosity and kindness beyond measure. And now I have stories to tell of God's goodness.
Less than a month after I wrote that post about all the great things I was going to do this year to relate with others, God showed me I wasn't going to do anything. He showed me that He was in complete control and while it took pain for me to see, it worked. Today, I can say without a shadow of doubt that we have a good God, that is in complete control, and works EVERYTHING out for the good of those who love Him.
You see, 2 months ago I am not sure I could have said that. I was living in a Satan induced fear that kept whispering, "where is your God now?" And in a moment when I could have looked the other way and sought worldly answers, I knew that didn't make sense. I knew the only place I could go to for answers and comfort was to Him. I spent two weeks diving each day back into His word and felt nothing. However, I was determined. If there was one thing I wasn't losing, it was this battle. I would feel his presence again. I would. And I did.
When I knew He had never left in the first place I felt a peace that words can't explain. I don't know how I got to be one of the lucky ones that receives answers so quickly. I know there are some that have experience hardships for far longer than two months and still have no answers. I guess that is why I want to say don't give up.
He is good, he is in complete control, and works everything out for those that love Him.
How about our landlords? Who after 4 days of living in the home they were renting us that we had just signed a 12 month lease on, told us that they were praying for our situation and would absolutely not hesitate to let us go with no penalties if we had to move somewhere else for Zeb to get a job.
How about the vet? When we thought we were going to lose our golden to a measly 2 inch stick that ended up being stuck in his intestine, but we didn't because they offered to do surgery at an extremely discounted rate with multiple free services just after 2 months of opening their own doors to the community.
Strangers...extending grace.
I also mentioned in that initial post that I hoped to give generously, practice kindness regularly, and bring back the great news of the work that God is doing in my life. Never did I imagine that God would actually take those words, place them on others hearts, and allow me to experience it more abundantly than I am giving it.
Friends offering their resources to provide meals for us. Others checking in just because. Encouragement being given left and right with prayers to support it. We have experienced generosity and kindness beyond measure. And now I have stories to tell of God's goodness.
Less than a month after I wrote that post about all the great things I was going to do this year to relate with others, God showed me I wasn't going to do anything. He showed me that He was in complete control and while it took pain for me to see, it worked. Today, I can say without a shadow of doubt that we have a good God, that is in complete control, and works EVERYTHING out for the good of those who love Him.
You see, 2 months ago I am not sure I could have said that. I was living in a Satan induced fear that kept whispering, "where is your God now?" And in a moment when I could have looked the other way and sought worldly answers, I knew that didn't make sense. I knew the only place I could go to for answers and comfort was to Him. I spent two weeks diving each day back into His word and felt nothing. However, I was determined. If there was one thing I wasn't losing, it was this battle. I would feel his presence again. I would. And I did.
When I knew He had never left in the first place I felt a peace that words can't explain. I don't know how I got to be one of the lucky ones that receives answers so quickly. I know there are some that have experience hardships for far longer than two months and still have no answers. I guess that is why I want to say don't give up.
He is good, he is in complete control, and works everything out for those that love Him.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Conversations with God
"I don't want a victim, I want a warrior"
Huh? Is someone in here with me?
"I don't want a victim. I want a warrior"
God? Is that you? I am balancing my check book. I am busy right now. I don't understand why you want to talk to me while I am busy attending to my worldly obligations.
"You are not a victim. You are a warrior"
OK! I am writing this down! Right now, you see I am writing it down. You don't want a victim, you want a...warrior. Me? a warrior? Like David? or maybe Samson?
I didn't mean to play the victim card. But I kinda was a victim, wasn't I? A victim of circumstance. But I guess victims don't win? And now you want to show me that I am a warrior. I don't feel very warrior like right now. I just feel like a villager watching other warriors win, but unable to win myself. Oh shoot? Victim talk again. I want to be a warrior, God. I want to believe that what you have is good. I want to know that I can do all that I can do and that you will follow up by doing what I cannot. I want to face that Goliath and throw a tiny stone, while you bulldozer the rest.
I guess I can be a warrior. Maybe....
Sometimes God speaks to you when you least expect it. At least He did for me this morning. All I know is smack dab in the middle of paying bills and balancing my check book He made me stop and write down that he didn't want a victim, but instead a warrior. It was so clear in that moment. For weeks now I have talked like a victim. I have been frustrated like a victim. And I have cried like a victim. But this morning, God took me to a place that made me realize all that victimization was non-sense. You are not a victim in Christ. You are a conqueror in Christ. You are strong in Christ. You can overcome this world IN CHRIST!
A warrior huh? That's what you need me to be, God? Well then I will be the best warrior that you have equipped me to be. But please know I can't do it alone. Please know it will take every ounce of your strength, guidance, and mercy. I don't fully understand warrior behaviors or emotions so know that I may need you to hold my hand along the way. Don't let go, you may have made me to conquer, but I need that attitude first and I haven't found it. Equipment will be needed. I am ready and I won't step forward until you are stepping with me.
Today, I am a warrior.
Huh? Is someone in here with me?
"I don't want a victim. I want a warrior"
God? Is that you? I am balancing my check book. I am busy right now. I don't understand why you want to talk to me while I am busy attending to my worldly obligations.
"You are not a victim. You are a warrior"
OK! I am writing this down! Right now, you see I am writing it down. You don't want a victim, you want a...warrior. Me? a warrior? Like David? or maybe Samson?
I didn't mean to play the victim card. But I kinda was a victim, wasn't I? A victim of circumstance. But I guess victims don't win? And now you want to show me that I am a warrior. I don't feel very warrior like right now. I just feel like a villager watching other warriors win, but unable to win myself. Oh shoot? Victim talk again. I want to be a warrior, God. I want to believe that what you have is good. I want to know that I can do all that I can do and that you will follow up by doing what I cannot. I want to face that Goliath and throw a tiny stone, while you bulldozer the rest.
I guess I can be a warrior. Maybe....
Sometimes God speaks to you when you least expect it. At least He did for me this morning. All I know is smack dab in the middle of paying bills and balancing my check book He made me stop and write down that he didn't want a victim, but instead a warrior. It was so clear in that moment. For weeks now I have talked like a victim. I have been frustrated like a victim. And I have cried like a victim. But this morning, God took me to a place that made me realize all that victimization was non-sense. You are not a victim in Christ. You are a conqueror in Christ. You are strong in Christ. You can overcome this world IN CHRIST!
A warrior huh? That's what you need me to be, God? Well then I will be the best warrior that you have equipped me to be. But please know I can't do it alone. Please know it will take every ounce of your strength, guidance, and mercy. I don't fully understand warrior behaviors or emotions so know that I may need you to hold my hand along the way. Don't let go, you may have made me to conquer, but I need that attitude first and I haven't found it. Equipment will be needed. I am ready and I won't step forward until you are stepping with me.
Today, I am a warrior.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
"Clinging, Wrestling Intensely, and Holding Out"
I follow this girl's blog for one reason and one reason only; she can put into words the thoughts and emotions I have but cannot seem to formulate words for myself. Today she did just that.
"But maybe God can be clung to, and so I'm clinging on like Jacob, wrestling intensely at times and holding out for a blessing."-Mandy Steward
Sometimes that is simply all you can do. And when I wrote this post last week, that was exactly the thought I was trying to get across, but I said it so many more words. That was really all I wanted to say though.
All I wanted to say was that maybe your best for God is just clinging on. Ever day I am just clinging on to the ever awareness that He is there and He is listening. Some days are easier than others. Most days it feels like a wrestling match. But I refuse to let go, well because letting go means far worse than clinging and wrestling. For letting go can mean losing the very hope that keeps me going everyday. Hope that gives me faith because in Mandy's words "maybe faith is simply hoping and not knowing." Not knowing that everything is going to work out but hoping and holding out for the blessing. For in all things God works it to the good of those who love Him. Who love him and cling to him and wrestle with him and have faith in him.
This is me clinging...
"But maybe God can be clung to, and so I'm clinging on like Jacob, wrestling intensely at times and holding out for a blessing."-Mandy Steward
Sometimes that is simply all you can do. And when I wrote this post last week, that was exactly the thought I was trying to get across, but I said it so many more words. That was really all I wanted to say though.
All I wanted to say was that maybe your best for God is just clinging on. Ever day I am just clinging on to the ever awareness that He is there and He is listening. Some days are easier than others. Most days it feels like a wrestling match. But I refuse to let go, well because letting go means far worse than clinging and wrestling. For letting go can mean losing the very hope that keeps me going everyday. Hope that gives me faith because in Mandy's words "maybe faith is simply hoping and not knowing." Not knowing that everything is going to work out but hoping and holding out for the blessing. For in all things God works it to the good of those who love Him. Who love him and cling to him and wrestle with him and have faith in him.
This is me clinging...
Monday, February 27, 2012
Serious Satisfaction
This weekend I realized two very important things.
1. Pushing yourself to achieve goals can provide enormous satisfaction.
2. A support network can be critical to those goals.
Saturday I ran 8 miles. That is the most I have ever run...EVER! I mean in one journey of course. I ran 8 miles with an average pace of about 11:50 and finished in 1 hour and 33 minutes. Now let me tell you why this run made me realize my two points above.
I used to think about running. I thought about it a lot in fact. I thought how cool it would be to run 13.1 miles and I thought I would never run 26.2 miles so I tried not to think about how cool that would be. I often thought about these things, but never imagined actually doing it. At the beginning of January I started fully training for my half-marathon. 2 miles? 2 miles was hard! I mean...like unfathomable! I could walk it and that was if I got my head in the game, but to actually run it and do it in less than 13 minutes a mile was pretty much off the radar. Well I continued to push myself.
This month was intimidating because I knew I was going to be making some big mileage jumps. Not only was I going to be running more, but it was February in Oklahoma. Since I wouldn't have a gym to run at to avoid the cold weather, I would have to face it. Truth be told I despise running on a treadmill so there is a rose amongst the thorns, but I was terrified. It was three weeks ago from yesterday that I faced my fear. I ran 5 miles in 35 degrees. And I felt great! After that I just knew I could do anything. It has really been my fuel for the fire. Since then my average pace has already gone down by a whole minute on most runs. I am no longer scared of my half-marathon. In fact I am totally pumped and can't wait to begin training for my full marathon. Pushing myself and seeing what my body and internal strength is capable of has been rewarding.
Back to Saturday. I ran those 8 miles with two very close friends; Pat and Kali Bell. This couple is awesome! Can I just say that again? This couple is awesome! They have been running a whole lot longer than me. They ran their first half marathon in November and will run their first full marathon this weekend in Little Rock! They needed a short and slow run to do this last weekend so they nominated me to be their pace keeper!! I'm kidding, but seriously I was so nervous to run with them because they are basically pros in my eyes.
I kept putting off actually confirming to run with them because I was trying to convince myself I couldn't. I told myself every excuse in the book; "I will slow them down", "I won't be able to finish", "I will breathe hard". You name it, I thought it. I told Kali my fears and she approached it with so much grace. She said, "hey, we would love to run with you but no pressure." I guess the no pressure thing worked because I ended up saying yes. I am so glad I did! They were so supportive the entire run. Kali kept randomly cheering through out the run. Pat reminded me over and over that this was the longest I had ever run after the 6 mile mark. And they both high fived me at the end. This couple is awesome!
I am beyond happy with the progress I have made in my running and the friends that God has sent me as support along the way. I am now completely confident in the fact that I could run 26.2 miles and I think about it too!
1. Set a goal that will push you to a place you never thought you could go.
2. Find a friend that will support you and your goal.
1. Pushing yourself to achieve goals can provide enormous satisfaction.
2. A support network can be critical to those goals.
Saturday I ran 8 miles. That is the most I have ever run...EVER! I mean in one journey of course. I ran 8 miles with an average pace of about 11:50 and finished in 1 hour and 33 minutes. Now let me tell you why this run made me realize my two points above.
I used to think about running. I thought about it a lot in fact. I thought how cool it would be to run 13.1 miles and I thought I would never run 26.2 miles so I tried not to think about how cool that would be. I often thought about these things, but never imagined actually doing it. At the beginning of January I started fully training for my half-marathon. 2 miles? 2 miles was hard! I mean...like unfathomable! I could walk it and that was if I got my head in the game, but to actually run it and do it in less than 13 minutes a mile was pretty much off the radar. Well I continued to push myself.
This month was intimidating because I knew I was going to be making some big mileage jumps. Not only was I going to be running more, but it was February in Oklahoma. Since I wouldn't have a gym to run at to avoid the cold weather, I would have to face it. Truth be told I despise running on a treadmill so there is a rose amongst the thorns, but I was terrified. It was three weeks ago from yesterday that I faced my fear. I ran 5 miles in 35 degrees. And I felt great! After that I just knew I could do anything. It has really been my fuel for the fire. Since then my average pace has already gone down by a whole minute on most runs. I am no longer scared of my half-marathon. In fact I am totally pumped and can't wait to begin training for my full marathon. Pushing myself and seeing what my body and internal strength is capable of has been rewarding.
Back to Saturday. I ran those 8 miles with two very close friends; Pat and Kali Bell. This couple is awesome! Can I just say that again? This couple is awesome! They have been running a whole lot longer than me. They ran their first half marathon in November and will run their first full marathon this weekend in Little Rock! They needed a short and slow run to do this last weekend so they nominated me to be their pace keeper!! I'm kidding, but seriously I was so nervous to run with them because they are basically pros in my eyes.
I kept putting off actually confirming to run with them because I was trying to convince myself I couldn't. I told myself every excuse in the book; "I will slow them down", "I won't be able to finish", "I will breathe hard". You name it, I thought it. I told Kali my fears and she approached it with so much grace. She said, "hey, we would love to run with you but no pressure." I guess the no pressure thing worked because I ended up saying yes. I am so glad I did! They were so supportive the entire run. Kali kept randomly cheering through out the run. Pat reminded me over and over that this was the longest I had ever run after the 6 mile mark. And they both high fived me at the end. This couple is awesome!
I am beyond happy with the progress I have made in my running and the friends that God has sent me as support along the way. I am now completely confident in the fact that I could run 26.2 miles and I think about it too!
1. Set a goal that will push you to a place you never thought you could go.
2. Find a friend that will support you and your goal.
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