Fear Is An Enemy That Will Always Lie To You

What would you do if you were not afraid?

It's a convicting question. One that has haunted me for weeks. Over the years I can point out a few key people who I have admired for their lack of fear. And actually for their lack of fear in one very particular area. They lacked the fear to be themselves. 

In my earliest years it was my mom. I watched her over and over again be who she was. There was no fear of what someone might think and if there was it didn't show. I believe she tried to instill that in us too. I can remember moments when she would tell us not to be so concerned about what someone else thought. She would probably tell you today that it has hardly stuck with me. I am concerned. 

A little later in life it came in the form of my best friend Amy. She never feared what someone might think. She was who she was and it was a quality I loved. It made me proud to be her best friend. "That's just Amy" I got used to saying. 

At another point in life it came with a dear friend named Ariel. She had a way of being herself, loving who she was, and drawing others to love her too. I found myself thinking, "when I grow up, I want to be just like her." 

It has come in my family in another way. My cousin Robin seems to have no fear of being who she is. People love her just the same and I am frequently wondering how to find that same lack of fear. 

Finally, it has come in my husband. He doesn't seem to be at all concerned about what someone else thinks. He is working on me. 

A couple weeks ago I had a very sobering moment. A very sweet woman looked at me and said point blankly, "Sasha, sometimes I think you over-analyze things." Which was a very nice way of saying, you worry too much about what others are thinking.  

THIS IS TRUE! 

I couldn't argue with her. I knew it. And I appreciated her honesty. I appreciated the authenticity of her statement. It wasn't mean or hateful. It just was. It is what it is.

This one way of experiencing fear has been at the very top of my prayer list. I don't want to fear what you think or what you think or even what you think because it leaves me in a very anxious state. However, when I convince myself to quit worrying about that I am left extremely vulnerable...and vulnerability is scary. There comes the fear again. 

So I am asking you too.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?  

Just When You Thought Advocare Was All I Cared About

It’s been 7 months since the miscarriage and we are now 1 month past what would have been our due date. Being a girl I tend to keep track of these kinds of things. Anybody reading this probably knows me well enough to know that I am an open book. I lead a very transparent life. There are very little secrets. For this reason I needed to write today.


First let me say that I don’t want to hurt or offend anyone who has experienced the waiting game much longer than I have or has learned that they will never carry a child of their own. That is far from my intent. I simply need to have a monologue about this whole experience so far.

I thought it would be easier. I never thought I would get to know my body so intimately. I just figured when we were ready, we would put all contraceptives aside and wa-la pregnant we would be. I never knew I would eventually turn to ovulation kits or charting. After the miscarriage and all of the emotions I eventually got to a place where I told myself, “it is fine”. I will wait the recommended time by the Doc and we will start again and God will work it out. Being in our 5th month of trying again, I am still waiting for God to work it out.

I have put a lot of things to the side in 5 months all in the name of “trying to get pregnant”. My body has suffered because I am not as active as I was. My emotions have been rocked because they are on a constant up and down rollercoaster. It’s a fight between I am strong enough to not worry about it and I don’t get it. I had quite the break down last month for about a week that included lots of tears and prayers that only asked why and when. It’s been a ride. And I am sorry for the rawness of this post, but I am not sorry at all because sometimes this is just life. Sometimes it just has to be said and experienced in other ways besides your head and heart. Even if my husband would disagree completely.

So a lot of my energy has been wrapped around this one life changing event. I have spent countless hours on Google researching how to do what and if this is a sign or that is a sign. There are some crazy conversations happening out there in cyberspace between women. They’re sharin it all and then some! And holy Toledo, reading those boards is like interpreting a foreign language! c/p, bd, af, bfp, bfn…the list goes on and on! I have been very successful in obsessing over this one thing, but do you know where I have failed?

I have failed in enjoying today. I have failed in embracing this time I have with my husband that doesn’t include the worry of kids. I have failed in continuing to push myself to reach my goals. I have failed in reading books I enjoy or the bible because they have been replaced by baby web boards. I have failed in seeking the one who has it all planned out already because I think I can plan it better. Or if I do this one thing or if I don’t work out as much or eat this fruit that will boost my fertility or whatever it is. If I do it then it will happen. And I am pretty sure God’s just sitting up there maybe half way entertained by my scrambling, but definitely with a broken heart saying “just trust me”.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.-Proverbs 3:5-6

And I tell you all of this because sometimes God uses special people in special ways at special times to get this message across to you. God finally spoke to me through the mouth of my own husband last week. In a somewhat emotional moment, definitely on my end, talking about life I looked at Zeb and said why do you think it is so hard for us?

He said, and I am paraphrasing this entire conversation, Sasha I know you have been so anxious about all of this, but you have got to stop worrying and just let it happen. If you are worried about why we aren’t getting pregnant whether it’s because of something you did or aren’t doing now it’s not. Do you think we serve a vengeful God? No, we serve a loving God that has good things for us and He has a plan. I want to have our own kid just as bad as you do, but it’s in His hands and we have to trust that. If it’s through our own means or adopting or never that is for him to decide and not us. But you have got to stop stressing yourself out over it.

And as he talked my eyes just welled up in tears much like they are right now as I type. I knew what he was saying was true. And I felt so blessed that God made him my husband to calm me in these very moments. And I look forward to a day when he gets to be the daddy to our children and calm their fears by sharing the faith he has in God and His plan. When he will get to teach them how to put your trust in a loving and faithful God, because nothing on this earth provides more peace than the one who created it all. And he will get to do that because it’s been promised and His promises are real and always fulfilled. This I know.

In the words of Jesus, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.”-John 14:1

Capturing the Latest in this Wonderful Life

Golly it’s been a while since I have been able to find time to write! Let’s recap the last 2 months.


- Ended my career in Higher Ed for at least a little while to officially restart my career in recruiting. It is PERFECT!! I love recruiting and I love my team. I work with some of the best women in Lubbock, I am convinced of it. We also get daily reflections like this in our email. I love them.

- Ran another half marathon. This one was a trail though and let me tell you…it was brutal! Lots of fun though!

 

- We have done lots of house projects on the weekend. New headboard. New patio. New garden areas. It feels very homey around here this Spring. My heart is singing!

- We went to our first rodeo in 2 years!! It had been much too long! This has also prompted me to begin horseback riding lessons. Some of you may know, but I have a long time goal of competing in a rodeo. This girl is beginning to make that dream a reality even if it is with baby steps. You gotta start somewhere!

- We have continued to rock people’s world with some of the best nutrition on the market. Loving this company and the people more and more each day.

That basically sums it up. It has been a beautiful couple of months!   What are you celebrating these days?

Living on Cloud 9

If we have talked recently then I have probably told you that I have been on cloud 9. I have been riding highest wave I've seen in a long time. The wave started last Friday as we made our way to the DFW area for Success School. This is Advocare's Semi-Annual conference and it was incredible. Friday night started with opening ceremonies, the announcement of our next Success School being held at Cowboy's stadium, and some rewards. Saturday continued with trainings and stories from people who's lives have been forever changed because of Advocare. Sunday concluded with worship and a few more trainings. A couple of my favorite moments were worshiping with 25,000 people, hearing from George W. Bush, and the training by Jason Pannell. Check out some pictures below.

 Some of our endorsers on stage including Jason Witten, Sam Bradford, and Drew Brees

 Our new products were announced! We now have a minimally processed snack bar and vegetarian options for our shakes plus 3 new Spark Flavors!

 

One of the women of Advocare who also teaches on our Can You 24 DVD

 

WORSHIPING our Lord and Savior!

 Jason Witten joined by Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to announce the location of our next School! Cowboys Stadium here we come!

So those are just a few of the pictures from our weekend. That kicked off my high wave, but it kept going this week as I started my new job. On Monday I began at Covenant Health, one of the hospitals here in Lubbock. I am technically employed by our parent company St. Joseph Health based out of California, but work for our local hospital here. I am now back in recruiting where my heart has been all along. I also love it because it is a Christian organization. We start all of our meetings with prayer, we are encouraged to act as Jesus would have when serving others, and everyone is incredibly friendly. I am thrilled to be there! So if you are a nurse or work in the healthcare field and want to move to West Texas give me a shout! We have over 300 openings right now!

Finally, I want to leave you with a video of one of the speakers we got to hear from last weekend. His name is Jason Pannell and he is from Tennessee. He was a youth pastor before Advocare and he shared an incredible message with us last week. If you have got sometime I highly encourage watching it! I promise you will walk away with a smile on your face and a little more pep in your step!

Have a great weekend friends! Be Greater!

 

Hold Onto the Promises

Let's see, I don't even know where to begin on this post. There is SO much I want to vomit out of my mouth.

Next Wednesday will mark 1 year since our world basically flipped upside down and began what in my opinion was a roller coaster of a year that I never want to endure again. We had just signed a year lease on a cute little house in my favorite suburb of Tulsa. I was in a job I LOVED with a boss and team that rocked. Within 24 hours of feeling like we were going to get settled for a little bit, Zeb was laid off. Perfect timing, I am telling you.

2 months and multiple job applications later, we were on our way to Lubbock for Zeb's new job. I had looked and looked for the 3 weeks between finding out we were moving and actually moving for another recruiting job. I loved what I was doing and wanted to keep doing that. Instead, God provided what to me seemed like a good medium. I was blessed to start a job the same day Zeb started in his role that combined my work history and Master's at OSU with where my heart was in recruiting. When things didn't exactly get off to a great start in my new role, I found myself frustrated and wondering how this could possibly be part of God's plan. There were two things I got really good at telling myself:

1. I don't work for human bosses, I work for my only boss in heaven.
2. Hold onto the promises.

I knew when God had led me to the recruiting job in Tulsa that this is what I had been called to do for life. Recruiting is my absolute favorite thing because it combines the soft stuff-people's dreams and hopes and ambitions-with the hard stuff-the technicalities of business and the economy. Helping people through what is one of the most stressful experiences (job searching) in their lives is tremendously rewarding and fulfilling for me and I love doing it. Therefore, I knew that while I hadn't gotten something right away in Lubbock and my current work situation, in terms of my team, was rocky I was not letting go of God's promises to me. I also was not going to allow the people I worked with to bring me down. I don't work for them, I work for Him.

Fast forward to the Fall and two great things had happened. One of my biggest pains in my job had exited and I found out we were expecting! Things were looking up. When I ran across the job posting for a coordinator role, in recruiting, at the hospital I kinda in the back of my head knew it probably wouldn't work. I mean the timing was off and it was just a coordinator, not exactly where I wanted to be, but it could be a good entry back to recruiting. I applied. Not with high expectations, but applied. What I didn't know at that time was that I would miscarry in 2 short weeks. I also didn't know that I would come to like my current job a little more. And I didn't know it would take the hospital 2 1/2 months to even begin interviews. God did. He knew all of it. He planned it perfectly.

That leads me to today. When I got the email 3 weeks ago to interview for a position I had forgotten I even applied for, I wondered what God was up to. From there I interviewed three different times for a coordinator role that I wasn't sure would be a great move for me. Yesterday, they offered me something bigger and better. They offered me exactly what my heart wanted 10 months ago and exactly what only God could orchestrate. They offered me a job as a recruiter because they felt my skills were above that of a coordinator and with my long term goals being recruiting they took a chance on me. They have blessed my socks off!

I feel so so lucky to have the opportunity to do exactly what I was made to do now in both my personal and professional life. Between recruiting and Advocare, I feel that I am helping people in some of the most important ways in their life. I get to be part of helping people achieve their dreams professionally, healthfully, and financially. I am also on my way to getting my group fitness certification to add one more component of this beautiful combination.

As my good friend Terrance would say, finding your passion will drive your purpose. Passion produces purpose. He is right. And life is too short to do anything less than what you were made to do. Go find it.