No Backup Plan

Hey God,

I remember when You took me to this place a few months back. I remember because I blogged about it. I had read the Bible and found a place where You talked about unshakable faith. The kind of faith Noah had when he built the Ark. I was so excited at the time because I couldn't believe the amount of examples there were in the Bible of your faithfulness in times of extravagant faith. I was inspired by it.

Today you reminded me of the need for that faith again; only this time I felt a sense of guilt. You see, it is similar to when your parent teaches you a profound lesson and you get really excited because you know you are just going to soak it in and live it out, but eventually the lesson fades and you forget. When your parent comes back to find that you aren't as excited anymore, they get disappointed because they were so excited along with you that you "got it" and were ready to live it. That is how I felt when You reminded me of my faith again today.

I felt like I had let You down because while I do walk in faith everyday, I am not sure it is the kind You taught me about just a few months ago. Truthfully it is not the faith without a back up plan. I know You are capable of everything and I know You will show me the way, but to live it and act like it, well that is just different. Truthfully, God, if I lived like I knew You had a plan and a future for me, as promised in Jeremiah, I might spend less hours on the how as a person and more on the how as God's plan. I might listen more and worry less. I might know you have a plan without my own back up plan in que. I might trust more. I might know that unshakable faith produces unbelievable results. I just might really "get it".

So today, I thank You for Your constant love, grace, and forgiveness. I know my sense of guilt is not necessary because You are always present with more mercy than I could ever ask for. I am learning to believe You WILL and not just that You can. Please take my life back from me. I thought my "just in case" plan was needed, but you kindly reminded me today that it was not. Silly me.

This is step 1 of my faith without a back up plan and if, or when, I fall back into the trap of thinking a back up plan is warranted, I hope you are still there reminding me with all of your love and grace that I can't do it alone...ever. And the best part is I never have to.

Prayerfully,
Sash